The most exciting thing about the end of a year, for me anyways, is all the potential a new year holds. You never know where life is going to take you, and that is both exhilarating and terrifying. I mean, take a look at me last Christmas.
That girl has no idea how much she's about to change! 2010 hasn't been the most fantabulous year of my life, but as it draws to a close I find myself looking at all the positives this year has had. There's been a lot of healing and building up strength, emotionally, mentally and physically. I've got a cute little apartment with a great flatmate in an awesome part of the city. I've discovered how truly incredible my friends here are. And I'm becoming more and more secure in myself.
But aside from that, this year I've also undergone a pretty amazing physical transformation. Since I started keeping track in March, I've lost 13kg. It hasn't been through any sort of gimmick diet or any of that bullshit. It's all been from regular exercise and eating sensibly. I've discovered a love of physical activity that I never would have imagined I had. Whatever the struggles and set backs of 2010, the transformation I've undergone this year shows that I won.
I still have a ways to go. I am currently 14kg away from my goal weight, which is no small feat. This time last year it wouldn't have even seemed possible, but now I know this is a goal that is well within my ability to reach. Whatever 2011 has in store for me - and I know it's going to be a tough year - I am going to kick some ass!
We all know the slogan: Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline. It's the battle cry that plagues the lifes of women the world over: you are not perfect as you are, but you could be perfect if you just purchased the right combination of products. Only, as we soon find out if we go down that path, the more you buy into this idea of obtaining perfection, the harder perfection is to obtain.
I recently heard a quote that really ressonated with me: Don't sacrifice the good for the sake of the perfect. It's the kind of quote I'm tempted to get tattooed to my forehead because it's just such a simple reminder that we can lose something quite good by chasing after the illusiveness of perfection. I think it is especially important to remind ourselves of this with Christmas looming around the corner.
While this idea of trying to achieve perfection can be applied to any aspect of life, I'd like to look at how it applies to appearance, and particularly, make-up.
Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #7: A Little Make-Up Goes A Long Way
I think it's pretty common for girls and women to go through phases of piling on the make-up. Certainly the way the media presents celebrities it's easy to think that the only way to look good is to pile it on. Ladies, we have been lied to. Sure, there are times when piling on heaps of make-up is the sensible thing to do. Like when we're performing on a stage, or just want to present a dramatic side of ourselves. But I highly doubt this is when any woman looks her absolute best.
The thing is, most women look best with just a touch of make-up. Because this is the thing about make-up: it is meant to accentuate what we've already got. When we wear just a little bit of make-up to accentuate our best feature, then it really allows our natural beauty to shine through. When we wear a lot of make-up, even if it is accentuating our best feature(s), in hides the natural beauty and instead shows a mask. Also, putting on a lot of make-up tends to make one look, well, like everyone else. Because you stop seeing the person underneith the make-up. Take, for example:
Undoubtedly, I do look good. I have foundation, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and possibly some blush on in this picture. I was going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and wanted to get dressed up for the occassion (I was arguably over dressed, but better over than under). But when I look at this picture, I don't see me, I see my make-up. And while I like my make-up in this picture, I also think it hides me away. Whereas:
I am actually only wearing mascara in this picture. It draws attention to my eyes, but not so much that you lose sight of the rest of me. But by subtly drawing the attention to my eyes, it draws attention away from little blemishes. Finally:
Take away the mascara and all that's left is me. Sure, I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn good.
2010 has not been the greatest year for me, so it's not really a big surprise that as the year draws to a close, the string by which my life has been hanging suddenly reduced itself to a thread. I've been feeling like I'm falling off the edge of a massive cliff, and naturally enough, I've been fighting that feeling. But all the fighting hasn't stopped me from falling. In fact, all it's done is given me a few extra cuts and bruises as I've desperately tried to cling to the rocks on my way down.
But something shifted in me in the last couple of days, and I decided to just let myself fall. Scary though it was, I decided to let go and see what happens. And what's happened has taken me by surprise. Once I allowed myself to just go with what I was feeling and be open about my insecurities, the massive cliff didn't seem so massive anymore. In fact, it's been more like falling out of bed. Yeah, I'm a bit startled and sore, but I'm OK, oh, and hey, now that I'm down here, I've found my missing underwear!
I've been incredibly stressed out this year, and my health has suffered from it. As the summer weather finally started to make itself know in Melbourne, I found myself with a pulled neck muscle and the start of a cold that was leaving me weak, dizzy, and tired. I know I'm in shit when my stress and anxiety takes on physical form, so I was feeling extra done in for this week. That combined with a major freak out about my PhD left me looking to spend my weekend curled up under the blankets, away from the world.
But, a couple chiropractor adjustments later and my neck is feeling fine again. A talk with my supervisors about my PhD has lifted some of the anxiety, and their encouragement to give myself a bit of down time means the world, because it means I can just curl up on the couch and watch unhealthy amounts of Buffy and not feel guilty about not working on my PhD. And - OK this one is gross, I'm warning you now - I decided to actually look at what was going on in my throat that was causing me so much pain and discomfort. Well! It's no wonder I've been feeling miserable! My tonsils are basically rotting.
Strange as this may sound, realizing that's what's happening really changed everything for me. Because my tonsils are horrible! They get infected all the freggin' time. For some reason, they haven't gotten infected in my time in Australia, so that's probably why I wasn't immediately aware of what was happening. It's an easy fix: I've got a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, he'll look in my mouth and say "Hmm, well it's probably an infection. We'll take a swab to be sure, but I'll send you away with a prescription for penicillin and you can start on it now." If I was in Canada I would refuse to leave his office until we had a serious discussion about removing my tonsils, but as my health insurance stands now, I would have to pay out of pocket for the surgery and then be partially reimbursed. So I think I'll wait on having that conversation until I have a medicare card. In the meantime, I'll keep myself on a steady stream of Neurofen for the pain and inflammation.
Because I've had rather a lot of illness this year, I was quite worried about there being something serious wrong with me. Now that I know it's just my 32nd tonsil infection, I suspect all the other health problems were just to do with being extra run down this year. As I've said, it's been a rough year! So now I am feeling quite justified in putting my feet up, watching an unhealthy amount of Buffy, eating some ice cream, drinking some ginger ale, reading books that have nothing to do with my PhD, and sleeping for as many hours as I damn well want. I am not going to yoga and I am not going swimming until this infection starts to clear up (which should be pretty quick once I get on the penicillin).
I walked down to the grocery store earlier this afternoon, and for the first time in quite some time I felt like myself. I had Jay-Z pumping in my headphones, telling the world that he don't give a fuck about their rules, and I just thought, "Since when am I life's bitch?! Since when do I let things being hard stop me? Since when do I let anyone else determine what is best for me?"
