Street Fighter

Perhaps you are not aware of this, but I kinda love action movies. Not all action movies, and not indiscriminately, but I definitely enjoy a good fight scene. Whether it's a beautifully shot kung-fu movie or a gratuitously violent plotless Hollywood blockbuster, if the fighting's good I am probably a fan. I blame my step-dad. We used to bond with him over video games and action movies, and we all always made sure we were home in time for the X-Men cartoon. My love of X-Men, and particularly Wolverine, runs very, very deep.

I wasn't super into video games as a kid, but there were certainly ones I enjoyed. I hated car racing ones (because they are boring and I suck at them, though MarioCart has many redeeming factors...even though I suck at it), and quest games like Mario, Donkey Kong, or Sonic the Hedgehog only held a limited appeal for me. Fighting games though, I could spend hours playing or watching other people play those!

The game that got me completely hooked was actually a quest-fighting game, that I can't remember the name of. All I know is that it wasn't on Nintendo as we'd have to rent the gaming console whenever we wanted to play it. It seemed to be based around a drug deal gone bad, and the players had to fight off all these gangster goons and eventually confront the big boss. So you'd basically go around knifing people, and the reason I loved playing this game so much was that there was a female character, and I could actually, with a great deal of effort, beat the big boss. I knew that I shouldn't enjoy the game as much as I did, but secretly, I was always itching to play it. But that was one of those video games that, as the consoles improved, never quite made it out of obscurity. Eventually, we moved on.

My brother and his friends seemed to especially enjoy playing Mortal Kombat. And sure, you could kill people in strange and gruesome ways, but for some reason Mortal Kombat was always a bit meh for me. I'm not sure exactly why, but if I was to take a guess, I'd say it's because the female characters never really did it for me. In fact, the only female character that sticks out in my mind is Sheeva, and no, that's not attractive!

Now Street Fighter was a game I could get behind! I loved the characters, I loved the story line, I loved the different settings, I loved the secret moves, I loved everything about it. So yes, when at the Secret Wars finale Scale chose to depict Ken Taylor getting his ass handed to him by Ryu, he won my vote, and the crowd's vote, and the judges votes, and therefore, the 2011 title. Much to Lady Cop's (and many others) outrage.

I stand by my vote. Sure, Ken Taylor is an amazing artist, but he's an illustrator, not a street artist. And Secret Wars is about street art, so it's rather fitting that it was won through a street art depiction of a classic Street Fighter battle. Of course, I was already partial to Scale due to his use of Hello Kitty in the semi-finals, and I already had something against Ken Taylor as I lost a bet over what he was drawing in the semi-finals...

The characters in Street Fighter, and I'm thinking Street Fighter II specifically (does that show my age?), were all really interesting and gave you different tactile advantages (and disadvantages) which made it fun to play around with being each one. It should come as no surprise though that my favourite character was, and will always be, Chun-Li. With her long, brown hair, short, blue tunic, and legs of lightening, I was hooked. She'd kick your ass 9 ways to Sunday, then giggle and prance around as the medics carted your broken body out of the ring. This was a woman you did not want to fuck with. And I wanted to be her!

Chun-Li's legs were always a source of fascination for me. They were so... massive and red. Ah, the crappy graphics of old school video games. <3 The point was, she was a total powerhouse, and if you had any doubt, all you had to do was look at her legs. I was always slightly horrified when I'd see her lose a fight. How could those taught, raw, red legs be lying limp on the ground? Defeat is not a word that exists in those thighs!

Chun-Li was more than a secret object of lust for my young, clueless, closeted lesbian self: she was an idol. She was the first female fighter, and she was taking on the big boys! And while she was sexualized and infantilized, she was still a fighter to be taken seriously.  Maybe because her legs were so red, it seemed like she could be wearing tights. I understood that she wasn't, but I felt like I had the option of envisioning her as having clothes on. Of course, as the newer versions came out, Chun-Li has became reduced to one of the now ridiculously sexualized 'girl fighters'. I mean, come on! Cammy? What military regiment issues a g-string body suit as it's combat gear? And yes, Elena with her long legs, brown skin, blonde hair (as all African warrior princesses have, of course) and white bikini was super hot, but none of the other female characters ever inspired me the way Chun-Li did.

So why is Chun-Li suddenly on my mind? Because of my own fitness quest. Over the past 18 months I've gone from being sedentary to becoming an athlete. The transformation has been incredible. I'm shocked at the body I see in the mirror at the gym now, at how much it has changed in just the past 6 months. I am amazed by how trim I have become. I've still got a ways to go, but it's clear that if I stick to it, eventually people will stop being so fucking surprised when I tell them exactly how hard I train.

There's lots of different body types that I could work towards. I could just focus on losing the fat and doing a general tone-up, but no, that's not what I want. This journey was never about getting thin; it was about getting fit. Well, appearances may deceive, but there's no doubting my fitness when I get in the pool. I love the sheer physicality of my life now. I love that I can just do things now.

Of course, there's still a long way to go. While I can certainly give the average person a run for their money, I want more than that. I want to give fit people a run for their money. I want people to be able to take one look at me and know that I'm hard core. I want Chun-Li's thighs!!! And you know what? I'm gonna get them!

A New World Order

This is going to be a long, ranty, opinionated blog. You have been forewarned!

It's been a big week in the world! A Royal Wedding in the UK; Obama kills Osama in the US; Canada elects it's first majority dictatorship government in nearly a decade; and Australia... well, Australia had the Logies, the season premiere of MasterChef 3, and the Biggest Loser finale. And yup, I'm gonna give you my opinions on 'em all!

The Royal Wedding

So I only watched about 5 minutes of this, though I did watch the made-for-TV-movie about how they met. Which, *barf!* To call their story a modern day fairytale romance is such a load of crap. Though, my flatmate pointed out that people are perhaps taking the whole 'marrying a prince' thing very literally when they talk about fairytale romances. And to me, a commoner marrying into royalty does not a fairytale romance make! I don't see how any fairytale romance, modern or not, involves the prince sleeping around and not even having the guts to make a clean break with his love interest. I admit that the entirety of my knowledge about the royal couple comes from watching said barf-worthy movie, but, in my defense, I have to assume that this movie was made to put their story in the best possible light...and he still fucked around on her in it.

As for the wedding itself, I have to agree with the elderly woman at the post office the other morning: it was pretty. I thought Kate and Wills both looked gorgeous, and the dress was lovely. (I'm not a fan of long trains, but considering it was a Royal Wedding, I'll allow it. Especially as it was not ridiculously long, though I did think Pippa looked ridiculous carting the train around.) I thought the couple looked genuinely happy, and while I will not support the use of the term 'fairytale' to describe their relationships, I certainly do hope that they are in fact happy. And also, I was very glad to see that Mrs. Middleton looks nothing like the actress who portrayed her (who'd had so much botox and face lifts that she barely resembled a human being anymore).

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm even talking about this, considering a) I really don't give a rat's ass about the royal family (Prince Phillip's existence was purely abstract for me until a couple of years ago) and b) I strongly dislike weddings, regardless of who's they are.

I am talking about it, essentially, because everyone is talking about it and I don't really understand why anyone is talking about it beyond the points I made above. I have a very hard time understanding what relevance the royals have in today's society, beyond being figureheads of power and a different kind of celebrity. But the thing I like about the royal couple is, apparently they feel (to some extent) the same way. And it's for that reason that I find them intriguing. It seems to me that all this formality and stuffiness (and qadrillions of dollars spent on the wedding) has a lot more to do with the Queen than the couple. Eventually, the Queen will cark it, and it seems to me that when she does, the role of the royals will greatly change. That's the thing about a lot of things in the world today; eventually the old farts will cark it, and us young folks can finally get to work on making some meaningful changes! (I have very little patience for the elderly; I am not going to pretend otherwise.)

Since I'm talking about weddings and marriage, I'd like to pause for a second and clarify my stance on the issue. I know many of you see me as anti-marriage, and for a long time I'd say I was. But, as I've come to terms with my sexuality and found myself living in a country which denies me certain rights based on my sexuality, marriage is something I've done a lot more thinking about. I think that the institution of marriage is incredibly problematic. I also think the institution of education is incredibly problematic, so I can assure you that doesn't mean I'm against it. I just think it's very, very flawed. Historically, marriage's roots lie in property transactions, namely, ownership of a woman transferred from her father to her husband. From this framework, same-sex marriage is nonsensical. That isn't why there is so much bullshit about not allowing it (after all, women and men are now considered equals, or so we're told) but it is an argument for reworking what, exactly, the institution of marriage represents.

Honestly, I am torn about weddings and marriage. I am both appalled by them and want them for myself. Kinda. Of course I want a relationship which is stable and secure enough to be what a marriage is meant to be. But I really do hate weddings. They are these celebrations that are meant to be about the couple, but they so rarely actually are. So much energy is spent into appeasing other people's expectations about what the day should be, and it's bullshit! What the day should be is absolutely 110% about the couple, and if their great aunt Dotti doesn't like it, she can get fucked! So while yes, under duress I could tell you exactly what I would want for my own wedding, the thought of actually organising a wedding puts me into a cold sweat. Because there's no way for me to do it without someone getting hurt. Tempting though it is to say 'screw it' and not ever bother with this whole wedding/marriage business, if I find myself in a relationship with that strong of a bond, well, I think that's something I'd want to share and celebrate. Yeah, yeah, it's on my mind a lot.

Moving right along...

Obama kills Osama

This one is a really tricky issue for me, because, on the one hand, I don't support the death penalty. But on the other hand, what exactly do you do with a war criminal? Saddam Hussein was caught, put on trial, and sentenced to death. And while the sentencing does not sit easy with me, the fact that there was a trial does make a big difference to me. Osama bin Laden did not get a trial. And here's the thing: America has declared war on all these regimes of terror (yeah, yeah, "They started it!") and is constantly going on to the people in these countries where America is fighting terror that they are doing it to bring them freedom and democracy. Well, America, isn't a fair trial for all part of freedom and democracy?

It seems highly unlikely that the order Obama issued was to make every effort to capture Osama alive. There is something exceedingly creepy about a government issuing the order to kill someone. And it's not really any less creepy for a government to order the killing of someone outside of their own governance.

So I've been thinking: what gives someone the right to kill someone else? There are only two situations that I can personally consider to be OK (and I'm leaving abortion out of this, if you want to make a case of it, then basically, there are three situations that I can personally consider to be OK). The first is self-defense. If someone has decided to threaten my life, I have the right to fight for my survival. If this means taking the attacker's life, so be it. For those of you who are in some way pro-war, I think self-defence covers the only type of killing which should occur in a war.

The second is something that went out of fashion a long time ago: the honourable duel. I think that if two people, of their own free will, challenge each other to a fight to the death, both fully knowing and accepting that they could die if they fight, then why not? I must say that if these duels existed, it would have to be completely acceptable for a person to refuse the challenge. It would only be acceptable if both people were fully and freely consenting. I also think that these duel could not be fully and freely consented to 'in the heat of the moment'. If a challenge was laid, perhaps some sort of a state permit would then need to be sought, to ensure both parties were entering into the duel of their own free will. I wonder what society would be like if this was allowed? If there was no dishonour in turning down a challenge? I think that maybe such a society could be a pretty great place to live.

Which brings me to a society that is not such a great place to live...

Canada Elects Harper into a Majority Government

Why? Why oh why would you do this Canada? I just don't understand. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, and in case you somehow haven't already figured it out, I am staunchly anti-Conservative. This is a party that scares people into voting for them, then ignores the needs of their electorate. They are despicable.

Now, I'm going to do a bit of a quick and dirty cross comparison of Canadian and Australian politics so that everyone can be up to speed. This is not 100% accurate, but gives you a bit of a comparison point.

Canada                        Australia
Conservatives              Liberals
Liberals                       Labor
NDP                           Greens
Stephen Harper           John Howard
Stockwell Day             Tony Abbott*
Jean Chretien               What Kevin Rudd could have been
Minority government    Coalition government

*Tony Abbott is the leader of the Liberal party, who are currently in opposition. So I suppose, Canada, it could be worse. Stockwell Day and Tony Abbott are fucking idiots. The only attempt at saying something positive about Harper and Howard that I can make is that they are not on Day and Abbott's level of sheer fucking idiocy.

For the majority of my years as a voter, Canada has been governed by minority governments. This, I thought, was pretty nifty. It meant that there was a lot of debate, that the electorate could more effectively lobby, and that if the government was deemed to be shit, an election could be called. And guess why we just had an election? Because Stephen Harper's government (which seems to be what he's re-branding the Conservative party as) was deemed to be shit! His budget was deemed unfit and his government fell. Or so it was supposed to. But for some fucked up reason, instead of kicking him to the curb where he belongs, or even just electing him in with a minority government (which actually, given the split probably would not have happened), we've given him a majority government. And thus, are stuck with him doing as he pleases for the next four years.

The last time Canada had a majority government was when Jean Chretien was in power. When it became clear to Chretien that he was on the way out, he signed the Kyoto protocol and legalised same-sex marriage, because he could. Because his party (Liberals) had the power to do it. We have now given the Conservatives the power to do as they please. What will Harper do? Well, considering what he's already done the future ain't looking too bright!

My whole life, being from Alberta (which is basically the breeding ground of all things Conservative - Harper's electorate is one over from mine, and there were always billboards of his ugly face everywhere whenever he had some political success), I've heard a lot of bullshit about how any party which is not the Conservatives is 'Bad for Canada'. Given that Alberta is so terrified of change that they have not known anything but Conservative rule for god knows how long, I shouldn't really be surprised. Having at some point in my life stepped outside of the fold and experienced life in other parts of the country and world, I am quite confident that should the Conservative stronghold crumble, the world will not end.

I don't know if I can possibly express just how angry this attitude about the Conservative party makes me. Especially given that I am very hard pressed to think of what, exactly, it is that the Conservatives have ever done that has actually been good for Canada. I mean, unless we're just talking about the super-rich bits, cuz, yeah, the Conservatives are great for them!!

So, just UGH! Canada, I am disappointed in you. The only good thing that came out of this election was that the NDP is now the official opposition party, by a landslide! I hope that over the next four years their actions will convince more Canadians that they are a party worth supporting.

Which brings us to Australia and the TV

The Biggest Loser has come to an end, just in time for MasterChef to start up again. It's the perpetual wheel of consumption. Take the weight off, put the weight on, take the weight off, put the weight on... I wonder if MasterChef will ever launch it's own line of frozen dinners like Biggest Loser has?

Cynicism aside, I did really enjoy this season. Lara got down to 66kg I believe, hopefully it hasn't cost her her mental health. Emma won (and has copied my haircut...ARGH) which is kinda great because she actually lost most of her weight outside of the Biggest Loser camp. But can I just say...Emma is meant to be the hot twin, but Meg, Meg is completely gorgeous! Emma's doesn't even come close.

And that concludes my long winded, ranty blog.