Phobias. Everyone's got 'em. An irrational fear of something. And today I came face to face with mine.
So what is it that turns your normally brave and adventurous narrator into a quivering pile of girly screaming jelly?
Death? No, I like being alive but I'm not afraid to die.
Public speaking? Makes me nervous, but that is all.
Spiders? Nah, we're cool. I've killed red backs and white tails without so much as a squeal (though disposing of the bodies is another story altogether...)
Heights? Nope, I'm not the person with the white knuckles gripping the rail.
Balloons? No, I'm quite fond of balloons.
Clowns? I never read that particular Stephen King book...
Bees. Bees scare the fuck outta me. Bees and wasps.
I don't know why these little honey makers fill me with sheer panicky terror. I'm not allergic to them (and if I was, it wouldn't be a phobia, it'd just be sensible). I've been stung enough to know its not the end of the world. Nevertheless, I am absolutely terrified of these little creatures. Over the years I've gotten a bit better with bees. I know they won't sting me unless provoked, so I can generally control myself enough to not shriek and duck for cover and wet myself. Wasps...I generally freeze, turn white, and start dripping big beads of sweat until they fly off or whoever is around me goes "Oh for fuck sake!" and gets rid of them for me.
I haven't had any close encounters with bees or wasps in quite some time. Long enough that I was starting to wonder if maybe my phobia of them is more habitual than genuine. Oh no, it's genuine!
I was walking home from the grocery store this afternoon, listening to my ipod, lost in my thoughts, when I something on my shirt caught my eye. Closer inspection revealed that A BEE was sitting on my boob! It looked happy enough, sitting there, having a rest, enjoying the breeze blowing over it's horrible furry body. Meanwhile, I was coming to terms with the fact that my worst fear was sitting on my boob and I was gonna have to deal with it on my own.
My first instinct, I shit you not, was to just get the fuck outta my shirt and run like hell. Not run like hell because I would then be standing on my street in the middle of the afternoon in my bra, but run like hell to get away from the shirt, which I would never, ever, ever come back for. But I had my headphones in and if I pulled my shirt off, it would've got stuck in them. So, with my shirt halfway off my back, I changed strategies.
I tried to shake it off my shirt, praying that this wouldn't result in it flying up into my face as then I would have burst into tears and started pleading with God to spare my life (again, not allergic to bees). The bee, for it's part, sought out less shaky ground and started crawling it's way up my shirt, towards my face. Again, my shirt almost came off, and I started pleading, out loud, with the bee to please, please just get off of me.
The thoughts rushed through my head: "Why did this have to happen to me when I'm all by myself? Lady Cop is meant to be protecting me from this very fate! Damn her for not being here! Look, it wouldn't be the end of the world to just leave the shirt and the groceries and whatever else behind to get away from this bee. Who cares who sees me?"
I had about 5 seconds to get the bee off my shirt before I said "fuck it" and got the shirt off of me. I grabbed a stick off the ground and bent down so I was close to the ground, gave the bee a flick, and resumed breathing. It was off. And with any luck, it was too confused about what had just happened to be angry with me. I grabbed my groceries and headed home, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating. Seriously, I didn't shake that much when I got mugged.
Do I feel braver for having successfully confronted my biggest fear? HELL NO! It was AWFUL and I can assure you I will be just as big of a panic stricken baby if it ever happens again. All I can say is thank goodness I live in Australia where any passers by would likely assume I had a rather deadly spider on my shirt and that my reaction was quite sensible.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins
As you probably know by now, I am world renowned for my muffin baking skillz. Over the past couple of years I have been expertly honing my skills and becoming more and more adventurous in my flavour combinations. I have taken to keeping muffins in my freezer so I have something to snack on and it was time to restock. Also, I had promised to make Lady Cop some muffins, either for her birthday or a incredibly awesome date we have planned. On top of that, we're having a bring a plate lunch at uni to celebrate the end of office construction.
I had asked Lady Cop about her muffin preference, to which she said 'chocolate', and after I refused to make straight up chocolate muffins, she conceded that blueberry would also be acceptable. I'm not the biggest fan of blueberry muffins, and the combination of blueberry and chocolate just wasn't doing it for me. I mulled over it for a couple days, and on a trip to the Queen Vic Market the answer came to me: pistachios! I ran the idea past a couple women at my campus, who both thought it sounded divine, that I was crazy for poo pooing chocolate and blueberries, and that a yogurt based batter would really even out the flavours. And so a new flavour concoction was born!
Yesterday I set to work making what turned out to be some especially lovely muffins! And since I know you're all just itching to know my secrets, I'm gonna share the recipe with you!!! Please note, I tend to eyeball things and I can't promise you will have the same result as me. Also, I am aware I am listing things half in metric and half in US measurements.
Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins
Ingredients
250g flour
150g brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp cinnamon
75g pistachios, chopped
1 egg, beaten
50g butter, melted
250g yogurt
Instructions
Preheat oven to 200 C, I pop the butter in while the oven is warming up to melt it.
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and pistachios.
In a separate bowl, mix together the egg, butter, yogurt, and milk.
Then pour the yogurt mixture over the dry ingredients, and add the blueberries and chocolate at the same time. Stir together only mixing until just combined.
The batter turns this horrible grayish purple colour, but it's OK! They won't stay that colour once they're baked.
Spoon into muffin cases (I'm not sure how many muffins you'll end up with, if you make smaller ones, you could probably get 2 dozen) filing each case about 2/3 full. I like to line the casings with melted butter and a dusting of flour to prevent the muffins from sticking. I think those paper liners are stupid and encourage you not to use them.
Bake at 200 C for 20-30 minutes or until firm and springy to the touch. I found they needed about 30 minutes, but that could just be my oven. Also, I'm not used to cooking with yogurt and the first batch I made, which I baked for 25 minutes, are on the soggy side. You don't want to burn the muffins, but a golden top is fine.
See? Look at that colour transformation! They don't stay green either.
When finished baking, cool in the cases or on a wire rack (or, as I do, on a plate).
Ta Da! I found these muffins to have a lovely subtlety of flavour to them. I should note that I used less chocolate and pistachio than in the list of ingredients I've listed. I listed higher amounts because I was just guessing at how much I'd need when I made these muffins, and I think the subtlety will still be there with just a bit more chocolate and pistachio to spread around.
Feel free to give this recipe a go, and make whatever changes to it you'd like. I am a huge fan of experimenting in the kitchen, so go nuts!!!
I had asked Lady Cop about her muffin preference, to which she said 'chocolate', and after I refused to make straight up chocolate muffins, she conceded that blueberry would also be acceptable. I'm not the biggest fan of blueberry muffins, and the combination of blueberry and chocolate just wasn't doing it for me. I mulled over it for a couple days, and on a trip to the Queen Vic Market the answer came to me: pistachios! I ran the idea past a couple women at my campus, who both thought it sounded divine, that I was crazy for poo pooing chocolate and blueberries, and that a yogurt based batter would really even out the flavours. And so a new flavour concoction was born!
Yesterday I set to work making what turned out to be some especially lovely muffins! And since I know you're all just itching to know my secrets, I'm gonna share the recipe with you!!! Please note, I tend to eyeball things and I can't promise you will have the same result as me. Also, I am aware I am listing things half in metric and half in US measurements.
Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins
Ingredients
250g flour
150g brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp cinnamon
75g pistachios, chopped
1 egg, beaten
50g butter, melted
250g yogurt
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup milk
250g blueberries (I used frozen)
100g dark chocolate, chopped
Instructions
Preheat oven to 200 C, I pop the butter in while the oven is warming up to melt it.
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and pistachios.
In a separate bowl, mix together the egg, butter, yogurt, and milk.
Then pour the yogurt mixture over the dry ingredients, and add the blueberries and chocolate at the same time. Stir together only mixing until just combined.
The batter turns this horrible grayish purple colour, but it's OK! They won't stay that colour once they're baked.
Spoon into muffin cases (I'm not sure how many muffins you'll end up with, if you make smaller ones, you could probably get 2 dozen) filing each case about 2/3 full. I like to line the casings with melted butter and a dusting of flour to prevent the muffins from sticking. I think those paper liners are stupid and encourage you not to use them.
Bake at 200 C for 20-30 minutes or until firm and springy to the touch. I found they needed about 30 minutes, but that could just be my oven. Also, I'm not used to cooking with yogurt and the first batch I made, which I baked for 25 minutes, are on the soggy side. You don't want to burn the muffins, but a golden top is fine.
See? Look at that colour transformation! They don't stay green either.
When finished baking, cool in the cases or on a wire rack (or, as I do, on a plate).
Ta Da! I found these muffins to have a lovely subtlety of flavour to them. I should note that I used less chocolate and pistachio than in the list of ingredients I've listed. I listed higher amounts because I was just guessing at how much I'd need when I made these muffins, and I think the subtlety will still be there with just a bit more chocolate and pistachio to spread around.
Feel free to give this recipe a go, and make whatever changes to it you'd like. I am a huge fan of experimenting in the kitchen, so go nuts!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Ladies, it's time to FROCK UP!
I don't really understand people who say spring is their favourite season. Maybe in some cities spring actually exists as a season, but that doesn't seem to be the case in Melbourne. Spring in Melbourne is more like rapidly flipping through before and after shots of a fad diet. Here's what winter looked like, here's what summer has in store. Having already lived through winter, I am well aware of what it looked like and quite frankly no longer give a fuck. Bring on the sunshine and heat stroke baby!
I feel like a kid in a candy store on the 'summer preview' days of Melbourne's spring. Or perhaps a lolly shop, since I'm in Australia and all. Today is one of those beautiful, warm, sunny days that leaves me with no desire to be indoors. And you know what the best part about warm weather is? The frocks!
Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #5: Never walk away from a perfectly fitting dress. Never!
I spend the majority of the year in jeans. And jeans are great and all, but they're just jeans. Yeah, you can dress them up or dress them down, but nobody really cares. They're still jeans. Once the weather warms up and I can expand my footwear options though, it's all about being in a skirt! They're so light and flirty and flattering.
But when it comes to looking TOTALLY AWESOME, the only thing that's gonna cut it is a dress. As a friend once pointed out to me, the beauty of a dress is that it's so damn simple! You put it on, and then you look great. Easy as! The only trick to wearing a dress is that it's got to fit right. Otherwise you will not look TOTALLY AWESOME; you will look like you are wearing a burlap sack.
Now, I don't believe that anyone is the kind of person who can just randomly pick anything off the rack in their size and look great in it. That is some weird ass TV land fiction. We've all got different shapes and therefore different styles that do and don't work for us, this was style tip #2. And this leads me to believe that coming across a perfectly fitting dress is a rare find akin to coming across a unicorn on your stroll through the park. Therefore, when you come across this mystic creation, YOU MUST BUY IT NO MATTER WHAT! That is why god invented lay-bys.
Normally I'd feel sick at the thought of such a blatant endorsement of consumerism, but not in this case. The perfectly fitting dress is just too rare and wonderful a thing to let slip by. It is a thing from which there are no regrets. So ladies (of the southern hemisphere anyways), as the weather heats up keep your eyes peeled and maybe you will see that unicorn as you stroll through the park.
I feel like a kid in a candy store on the 'summer preview' days of Melbourne's spring. Or perhaps a lolly shop, since I'm in Australia and all. Today is one of those beautiful, warm, sunny days that leaves me with no desire to be indoors. And you know what the best part about warm weather is? The frocks!
Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #5: Never walk away from a perfectly fitting dress. Never!
I spend the majority of the year in jeans. And jeans are great and all, but they're just jeans. Yeah, you can dress them up or dress them down, but nobody really cares. They're still jeans. Once the weather warms up and I can expand my footwear options though, it's all about being in a skirt! They're so light and flirty and flattering.
But when it comes to looking TOTALLY AWESOME, the only thing that's gonna cut it is a dress. As a friend once pointed out to me, the beauty of a dress is that it's so damn simple! You put it on, and then you look great. Easy as! The only trick to wearing a dress is that it's got to fit right. Otherwise you will not look TOTALLY AWESOME; you will look like you are wearing a burlap sack.
Now, I don't believe that anyone is the kind of person who can just randomly pick anything off the rack in their size and look great in it. That is some weird ass TV land fiction. We've all got different shapes and therefore different styles that do and don't work for us, this was style tip #2. And this leads me to believe that coming across a perfectly fitting dress is a rare find akin to coming across a unicorn on your stroll through the park. Therefore, when you come across this mystic creation, YOU MUST BUY IT NO MATTER WHAT! That is why god invented lay-bys.
Normally I'd feel sick at the thought of such a blatant endorsement of consumerism, but not in this case. The perfectly fitting dress is just too rare and wonderful a thing to let slip by. It is a thing from which there are no regrets. So ladies (of the southern hemisphere anyways), as the weather heats up keep your eyes peeled and maybe you will see that unicorn as you stroll through the park.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
City of Festivals
Melbourne is a city of festivals. Festivals of what? Whatever you can think of. I swear. Every weekend there seems to be a festival of some notoriety on, along with 4 or 5 more obscure ones. My first year here I was overwhelmed with the festival options; so much so that I don't think I actually participated in any of them.
The problem is, the festivals are actually pretty decent, so there's always heaps of events I'd like to be going to. But, for the most part they aren't free, so actually attending any of these events requires a fair bit of planning. Or they do for me as I'm a broke ass student. I think I need a calendar of Melbourne festivals, then things like the film festival won't completely pass me by because I didn't put any money aside to buy tickets.
Somehow though, this past month has been filled with fun festival activities. In September I saw 2 of the Melbourne Fringe Festival shows (both by the Women's Circus, both spectacular events!) And what comes after the Melbourne Fringe Festival? The Melbourne Festival! I was able to catch a free show called Kaosmos which involved a crane, a metal ball, and half a dozen aerial acrobatic artists. It was a pretty impressive show! Then on Sunday I went to see the latest mad creation by Finucane & Smith: Carnival of Mysteries. I don't really know how to describe what these women do. It's completely surreal, over the top, in your face, and sexy in a disturbing way. I went and saw their trademark show The Burlesque Hour for my 26th birthday and I never recovered. Especially not from my obsession with Azaria Universe, but there is no recovering from her.
For the record, that is FOUR circus performances in the past month! Lady Cop has taken to teasing me that I'm going to run away and join the circus. My flatmate, who is a part of the Women's Circus, is encouraging me to. And I am reading Angela Carter's Nights at the Circus which just isn't helping the "no, let's not run away to the circus" cause. Maybe I will run away and join the circus. After I finish my PhD though.
But the parade of festivals doesn't stop there! Guess what's on next weekend? The Australian Festival of Travel Writing. I shit you not. If you are reading this blog and for some reason don't actually know anything about me, then you probably aren't paying much attention. I have been traveling internationally since I was 16. Not a year has passed since then that I have not left whatever country I've been living in - and only in 1 of those years have I not gone on an overseas trip. I am determined to keep this travel streak going, although admittedly this year I'm cutting it extremely close, not leaving Australia until the very end of the year. And the fact that you are reading my blog is evidence enough that I enjoy writing. I'm sure you can put the two together.I'm only going to one session for the AFTW, but I'm just excited to be going to any! And I imagine any travel writing skills I pick up at this session will come in handy when I run away and join the circus...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thanksgiving
This past weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving on account of it being a holiday that glorifies colonialism and the slaughtering of turkeys (I would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving had it not been for Facebook) but this year, in spite of myself, I had a mini Thanksgiving celebration.
As previously mentioned, I have recently started seeing someone, who will henceforth be referred to as Lady Cop (on account of her being a lady cop and a really bad Lil Wayne song, though I'm not sure there is such a thing as a good Lil Wayne song...) and on Monday I cooked dinner for her and my flatmate. I am a vegetarian of over 6 years; Lady Cop is not. I made us a lovely vegetable and tofu stir fry, and she informed me that prior to coming over to dinner, she had eaten some meat. You know, just in case. It's a good thing neither of us takes ourselves all that seriously!
This was just intended to be a cheap date night, it wasn't meant to have any connection to Thanksgiving at all. There certainly wasn't any pumpkin pie, which, in Australia is an entirely different - and better - thing than in North America. But as I was in the kitchen serving up dinner and Lady Cop was interrogating my flatmate, who was becoming increasingly flustered and distressed (which made me chuckle because I totally fell for Lady Cop when she interrogated me), Thanksgiving just happened. And not the Thanksgiving that I'm used to, which generally filled me with anxiety and dread, but the Hallmark Thanksgiving - the kind that can never be achieved by trying to manufacture it.
This new relationship with Lady Cop, it's different from my previous relationships. Or rather, I'm different than in my previous relationships. In my life in general (not just relationships) I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about the future, because the future is a fantasy and can hold all the potential you want it to when the present isn't so great. I don't find myself day dreaming about the future much at all these days. I used to be so preoccupied with how much better things would be in the future that I really turned a blind eye to the reality of the present. That changed when my last relationship ended and my ideas about how the future would be once again came crashing down and I was forced to deal with the present. Enough had shifted in me that when this happened, I actually wanted to deal with the present; I didn't want to just escape into another fantasy about what my future could be.
I don't actually think about the future very much at all these days. Generally when I do think about it, it's in terms of, "Oh fuck, what am I going to do when I finish my PhD?" I like where my life is at the moment, and I am really enjoying just seeing where the path that I'm on leads me. A big part of why I'm so content with sticking to the present is that my present is very much characterised by change. I am in transition, and that is my favourite place to be.
Going back to my relationship with Lady Cop, what's been different is that it's really developing quite naturally and organically. It's just happening on it's own accord and we're both going along with it and seeing where it leads. Neither of us knows where that will be. It doesn't matter, really. What matters is that right now we are happy and right now things are good. We'll deal with the future and whatever it holds as it comes to us.
This Thanksgiving, I know what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to be in a place in my life where I can have a beautiful Thanksgiving with people I care about, without the turkey and the pumpkin pie. I am thankful for Lady Cop and all her ridiculousness (but especially her ridiculous accent). And I am especially thankful for those 3 people who got picked to be transferred out to the country instead of Lady Cop, so that our relationship can continue on it's journey, naturally and organically, whatever that may be.
As previously mentioned, I have recently started seeing someone, who will henceforth be referred to as Lady Cop (on account of her being a lady cop and a really bad Lil Wayne song, though I'm not sure there is such a thing as a good Lil Wayne song...) and on Monday I cooked dinner for her and my flatmate. I am a vegetarian of over 6 years; Lady Cop is not. I made us a lovely vegetable and tofu stir fry, and she informed me that prior to coming over to dinner, she had eaten some meat. You know, just in case. It's a good thing neither of us takes ourselves all that seriously!
This was just intended to be a cheap date night, it wasn't meant to have any connection to Thanksgiving at all. There certainly wasn't any pumpkin pie, which, in Australia is an entirely different - and better - thing than in North America. But as I was in the kitchen serving up dinner and Lady Cop was interrogating my flatmate, who was becoming increasingly flustered and distressed (which made me chuckle because I totally fell for Lady Cop when she interrogated me), Thanksgiving just happened. And not the Thanksgiving that I'm used to, which generally filled me with anxiety and dread, but the Hallmark Thanksgiving - the kind that can never be achieved by trying to manufacture it.
This new relationship with Lady Cop, it's different from my previous relationships. Or rather, I'm different than in my previous relationships. In my life in general (not just relationships) I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about the future, because the future is a fantasy and can hold all the potential you want it to when the present isn't so great. I don't find myself day dreaming about the future much at all these days. I used to be so preoccupied with how much better things would be in the future that I really turned a blind eye to the reality of the present. That changed when my last relationship ended and my ideas about how the future would be once again came crashing down and I was forced to deal with the present. Enough had shifted in me that when this happened, I actually wanted to deal with the present; I didn't want to just escape into another fantasy about what my future could be.
I don't actually think about the future very much at all these days. Generally when I do think about it, it's in terms of, "Oh fuck, what am I going to do when I finish my PhD?" I like where my life is at the moment, and I am really enjoying just seeing where the path that I'm on leads me. A big part of why I'm so content with sticking to the present is that my present is very much characterised by change. I am in transition, and that is my favourite place to be.
Going back to my relationship with Lady Cop, what's been different is that it's really developing quite naturally and organically. It's just happening on it's own accord and we're both going along with it and seeing where it leads. Neither of us knows where that will be. It doesn't matter, really. What matters is that right now we are happy and right now things are good. We'll deal with the future and whatever it holds as it comes to us.
This Thanksgiving, I know what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to be in a place in my life where I can have a beautiful Thanksgiving with people I care about, without the turkey and the pumpkin pie. I am thankful for Lady Cop and all her ridiculousness (but especially her ridiculous accent). And I am especially thankful for those 3 people who got picked to be transferred out to the country instead of Lady Cop, so that our relationship can continue on it's journey, naturally and organically, whatever that may be.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Conquistador
Yesterday Melbourne experienced one of those warm, sunny days that make you think "gee, spring is a pretty nice season." After a long, cold, wet winter we are finally starting to enjoy some consistently nice spring weather and I for one am making the most of it! Come summer, it's too hot to be outside for more than 30 seconds at a time so in spring it's all about being outdoors right now. The change in the weather has made me decide it's time for a little less conversation, and a little more action. It is time to swim at the Brunswick Baths.
As you know, I have been itching to give the Brunswick Baths pool a go; it's got like twice the lanes of the MCB, is 50m instead of 30m, and is outdoors instead of indoors.
Well ladies and gentlemen, today I conqured the Brunswick Baths!
It was daunting at first, swimming in a new pool that is nearly twice the length of my regular pool. Being a newbie, I decided to stick to the slow lane, though I know from my Sunday morning yoga pool perving that I'm plenty fast enough for the medium lane. But the slow lane was along the outside edge of the pool and was empty, so I was quite happy to get the lay of the land from there.
The first thing I noticed was that the chlorine was not nearly as harsh as I thought it would be. Actually, the first thing I noticed was that the shallow end was really shallow. The water was lovely; nice and warm but still refreshingly cool in the sun. I pushed off and away I went! MCB is a mixture of salt and chlorine, so the water is just a bit cloudy. This is not the case at Brunswick Baths. The water is incredibly clear! Which was a bit disconcerting when I first got to the deep end, which has a big WARNING sign written on the bottom of the pool, then drops to a depth of 5m.
My first few laps left me gasping for air. I really only stop for a couple of seconds between laps at MCB, but 1 lap at Brunswick Baths is nearly 2 laps at MCB and it took awhile for my body to adjust to the longer laps. It was great though, having longer lanes. Sometimes in the 30m pool I feel like I'm just getting into the groove when I get to the other side.
When I swim I alternate between freestyle and backstroke. The nice thing about doing backstroke at the MCB is because it's an indoor pool, I can align myself with the ceiling and swim in a straight line. Looking up from the outdoor pool, it was all sky. And sun. I'll need to get tinted goggles so I'm not swimming with my eyes closed. I think by the end of my swim I'd gotten myself swimming in a reasonably straight line, but I sure was glad to have the lane to myself at the start!
Around my 20th lap someone decided to join me in the slow lane, which annoyed me and prompted me to move over into the double medium lane. There was only one other person in the double medium lane, so I figured we'd have plenty of room to navigate around one another if the need arose, which it didn't.
I did a total of 30 laps, or 1.5km (which is what I swim at MCB, in 50 laps). I couldn't really see the clock, so I don't know what my time actually was, but it was slower than usual, which I expected it to be this first time around. I'll have to get one of those waterproof stop watches so I can properly time myself. Stretching out at the end of my laps, looking out across the pool, I was tempted to keep going. But I reminded myself that I still had a kilometer walk home and may be more tired than I realized. This was a good call. I'm sure I would have survived another 2 laps, but I was certainly feeling the burn on my way home.
I try to get to the pool 3-4 times a week. It's pretty easy to do when I'm at uni; I just go down the road to MCB for a swim on my way home. But on the weekends this means making a special trip into the city, which I don't always feel like doing (though I have discovered the perfect time to swim on a Saturday). And, going into the city just for a swim seems like a silly thing to do on the days when I work from home, which I am doing more frequently. But now that the weather is warming up, popping down to the Brunswick Baths seems like quite an easy option. In fact, I think I will make it a regular part of my Tuesday routine!
As you know, I have been itching to give the Brunswick Baths pool a go; it's got like twice the lanes of the MCB, is 50m instead of 30m, and is outdoors instead of indoors.
Well ladies and gentlemen, today I conqured the Brunswick Baths!
It was daunting at first, swimming in a new pool that is nearly twice the length of my regular pool. Being a newbie, I decided to stick to the slow lane, though I know from my Sunday morning yoga pool perving that I'm plenty fast enough for the medium lane. But the slow lane was along the outside edge of the pool and was empty, so I was quite happy to get the lay of the land from there.
The first thing I noticed was that the chlorine was not nearly as harsh as I thought it would be. Actually, the first thing I noticed was that the shallow end was really shallow. The water was lovely; nice and warm but still refreshingly cool in the sun. I pushed off and away I went! MCB is a mixture of salt and chlorine, so the water is just a bit cloudy. This is not the case at Brunswick Baths. The water is incredibly clear! Which was a bit disconcerting when I first got to the deep end, which has a big WARNING sign written on the bottom of the pool, then drops to a depth of 5m.
My first few laps left me gasping for air. I really only stop for a couple of seconds between laps at MCB, but 1 lap at Brunswick Baths is nearly 2 laps at MCB and it took awhile for my body to adjust to the longer laps. It was great though, having longer lanes. Sometimes in the 30m pool I feel like I'm just getting into the groove when I get to the other side.
When I swim I alternate between freestyle and backstroke. The nice thing about doing backstroke at the MCB is because it's an indoor pool, I can align myself with the ceiling and swim in a straight line. Looking up from the outdoor pool, it was all sky. And sun. I'll need to get tinted goggles so I'm not swimming with my eyes closed. I think by the end of my swim I'd gotten myself swimming in a reasonably straight line, but I sure was glad to have the lane to myself at the start!
Around my 20th lap someone decided to join me in the slow lane, which annoyed me and prompted me to move over into the double medium lane. There was only one other person in the double medium lane, so I figured we'd have plenty of room to navigate around one another if the need arose, which it didn't.
I did a total of 30 laps, or 1.5km (which is what I swim at MCB, in 50 laps). I couldn't really see the clock, so I don't know what my time actually was, but it was slower than usual, which I expected it to be this first time around. I'll have to get one of those waterproof stop watches so I can properly time myself. Stretching out at the end of my laps, looking out across the pool, I was tempted to keep going. But I reminded myself that I still had a kilometer walk home and may be more tired than I realized. This was a good call. I'm sure I would have survived another 2 laps, but I was certainly feeling the burn on my way home.
I try to get to the pool 3-4 times a week. It's pretty easy to do when I'm at uni; I just go down the road to MCB for a swim on my way home. But on the weekends this means making a special trip into the city, which I don't always feel like doing (though I have discovered the perfect time to swim on a Saturday). And, going into the city just for a swim seems like a silly thing to do on the days when I work from home, which I am doing more frequently. But now that the weather is warming up, popping down to the Brunswick Baths seems like quite an easy option. In fact, I think I will make it a regular part of my Tuesday routine!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Everything I Am
People talkin' shit but when the shit hit the fan
Everything I'm not made me everything I am
- Kanye West
For the past 2 years I've been spending most Thursday nights involved with this self development course called Human Relations for Everyday Living. It has been an immensely positive thing for me and has transformed a lot of my relationships for the better. In the course we learn about our defense mechanisms and how to let go of them and engage with ourselves and others in more nurturing, positive, healthy ways. Sometimes the things we talk about can feel really theoretical, and while I have been able to see all sorts of subtle changes in myself and how I related to other people, I've wondered if these skills will hold up when they're really tested; as if my day-to-day life isn't a real test! This past week has felt like a real test though. And, when the course starts up again this week, I'll be happy to report that I passed with flying colours.
It's been a kind of strange and wonderful couple of weeks. A lot's happened, and I'm not going to go into all the details of what, but I will say it's involved family dramas, old friends, uni landmarks and the emergence of a new lady in my life. And in everything that has happened, I have seen myself behaving completely differently from how I have in the past. Better, more mature, more self-aware, more reflexive, and more considerate of those I'm interacting with.
I feel like at some point I stepped outside myself and started to observe myself, and the observer-me is acting rationally, whereas I often react emotionally (and oh! the drama that can ensue!) Observer-me has learnt a lot of valuable things about myself the past couple of weeks. It's like I've flicked a switch or something. When it comes to personal development, I'm of the opinion that you've got to make a decision to change. And you have to make that decision over and over and over again every time the temptation of old habits comes calling. Eventually, the old habit fades and a new one is formed. I feel like my decision not to be an emotional idiot, a decision that has been well over 2 years in the active making, is really shifting from something I have to struggle with to something that I just am doing.
I've mentioned in this blog before that my life was characterised by my unhappiness for a long time. It really does seem that after 28 years of emotionally struggling, I've reached a point where it doesn't have to be difficult anymore. I've made a lot of changes to my life since moving to Melbourne; changes which have allowed me to get some much needed distance from my past and the people in it, some much needed perspective on my past and the people in it, and some much needed boundaries around my past and the people in it. This hasn't been easy to do, and those boundaries still need a lot of reinforcing. Sometimes the bullshit from the past finds its way back into my life and I'm left feeling anxious and boxed in. But I have a choice now. I don't have to let it get to me anymore.
These days, my life is good. I'm not angry at the world anymore. I feel completely free to live my life exactly how I want to live it, and that is exactly what I am doing. I feel strong and independent and secure in myself. Whatever people think of me and the choices I've made doesn't matter anymore. Because I know who I am, and I know what I am capable of. And most importantly, I know I'm not going to be the incredibly unhappy person I was ever again.
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