Transformations

The most exciting thing about the end of a year, for me anyways, is all the potential a new year holds. You never know where life is going to take you, and that is both exhilarating and terrifying. I mean, take a look at me last Christmas.

That girl has no idea how much she's about to change! 2010 hasn't been the most fantabulous year of my life, but as it draws to a close I find myself looking at all the positives this year has had. There's been a lot of healing and building up strength, emotionally, mentally and physically. I've got a cute little apartment with a great flatmate in an awesome part of the city. I've discovered how truly incredible my friends here are. And I'm becoming more and more secure in myself.

But aside from that, this year I've also undergone a pretty amazing physical transformation. Since I started keeping track in March, I've lost 13kg. It hasn't been through any sort of gimmick diet or any of that bullshit. It's all been from regular exercise and eating sensibly. I've discovered a love of physical activity that I never would have imagined I had. Whatever the struggles and set backs of 2010, the transformation I've undergone this year shows that I won.

I still have a ways to go. I am currently 14kg away from my goal weight, which is no small feat. This time last year it wouldn't have even seemed possible, but now I know this is a goal that is well within my ability to reach. Whatever 2011 has in store for me - and I know it's going to be a tough year - I am going to kick some ass!

Nature vs Maybelline

We all know the slogan: Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline. It's the battle cry that plagues the lifes of women the world over: you are not perfect as you are, but you could be perfect if you just purchased the right combination of products. Only, as we soon find out if we go down that path, the more you buy into this idea of obtaining perfection, the harder perfection is to obtain.

I recently heard a quote that really ressonated with me: Don't sacrifice the good for the sake of the perfect. It's the kind of quote I'm tempted to get tattooed to my forehead because it's just such a simple reminder that we can lose something quite good by chasing after the illusiveness of perfection. I think it is especially important to remind ourselves of this with Christmas looming around the corner.

While this idea of trying to achieve perfection can be applied to any aspect of life, I'd like to look at how it applies to appearance, and particularly, make-up.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #7: A Little Make-Up Goes A Long Way

I think it's pretty common for girls and women to go through phases of piling on the make-up. Certainly the way the media presents celebrities it's easy to think that the only way to look good is to pile it on. Ladies, we have been lied to. Sure, there are times when piling on heaps of make-up is the sensible thing to do. Like when we're performing on a stage, or just want to present a dramatic side of ourselves. But I highly doubt this is when any woman looks her absolute best.

The thing is, most women look best with just a touch of make-up. Because this is the thing about make-up: it is meant to accentuate what we've already got. When we wear just a little bit of make-up to accentuate our best feature, then it really allows our natural beauty to shine through. When we wear a lot of make-up, even if it is accentuating our best feature(s), in hides the natural beauty and instead shows a mask. Also, putting on a lot of make-up tends to make one look, well, like everyone else. Because you stop seeing the person underneith the make-up. Take, for example:

Undoubtedly, I do look good. I have foundation, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and possibly some blush on in this picture. I was going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and wanted to get dressed up for the occassion (I was arguably over dressed, but better over than under). But when I look at this picture, I don't see me, I see my make-up. And while I like my make-up in this picture, I also think it hides me away. Whereas:

I am actually only wearing mascara in this picture. It draws attention to my eyes, but not so much that you lose sight of the rest of me. But by subtly drawing the attention to my eyes, it draws attention away from little blemishes. Finally:

Take away the mascara and all that's left is me. Sure, I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn good.

Moment of Silence

2010 has not been the greatest year for me, so it's not really a big surprise that as the year draws to a close, the string by which my life has been hanging suddenly reduced itself to a thread. I've been feeling like I'm falling off the edge of a massive cliff, and naturally enough, I've been fighting that feeling. But all the fighting hasn't stopped me from falling. In fact, all it's done is given me a few extra cuts and bruises as I've desperately tried to cling to the rocks on my way down.

But something shifted in me in the last couple of days, and I decided to just let myself fall. Scary though it was, I decided to let go and see what happens. And what's happened has taken me by surprise. Once I allowed myself to just go with what I was feeling and be open about my insecurities, the massive cliff didn't seem so massive anymore. In fact, it's been more like falling out of bed. Yeah, I'm a bit startled and sore, but I'm OK, oh, and hey, now that I'm down here, I've found my missing underwear!

I've been incredibly stressed out this year, and my health has suffered from it. As the summer weather finally started to make itself know in Melbourne, I found myself with a pulled neck muscle and the start of a cold that was leaving me weak, dizzy, and tired. I know I'm in shit when my stress and anxiety takes on physical form, so I was feeling extra done in for this week. That combined with a major freak out about my PhD left me looking to spend my weekend curled up under the blankets, away from the world.

But, a couple chiropractor adjustments later and my neck is feeling fine again. A talk with my supervisors about my PhD has lifted some of the anxiety, and their encouragement to give myself a bit of down time means the world, because it means I can just curl up on the couch and watch unhealthy amounts of Buffy and not feel guilty about not working on my PhD. And - OK this one is gross, I'm warning you now - I decided to actually look at what was going on in my throat that was causing me so much pain and discomfort. Well! It's no wonder I've been feeling miserable! My tonsils are basically rotting.

Strange as this may sound, realizing that's what's happening really changed everything for me. Because my tonsils are horrible! They get infected all the freggin' time. For some reason, they haven't gotten infected in my time in Australia, so that's probably why I wasn't immediately aware of what was happening. It's an easy fix: I've got a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, he'll look in my mouth and say "Hmm, well it's probably an infection. We'll take a swab to be sure, but I'll send you away with a prescription for penicillin and you can start on it now." If I was in Canada I would refuse to leave his office until we had a serious discussion about removing my tonsils, but as my health insurance stands now, I would have to pay out of pocket for the surgery and then be partially reimbursed. So I think I'll wait on having that conversation until I have a medicare card. In the meantime, I'll keep myself on a steady stream of Neurofen for the pain and inflammation.

Because I've had rather a lot of illness this year, I was quite worried about there being something serious wrong with me. Now that I know it's just my 32nd tonsil infection, I suspect all the other health problems were just to do with being extra run down this year. As I've said, it's been a rough year! So now I am feeling quite justified in putting my feet up, watching an unhealthy amount of Buffy, eating some ice cream, drinking some ginger ale, reading books that have nothing to do with my PhD, and sleeping for as many hours as I damn well want. I am not going to yoga and I am not going swimming until this infection starts to clear up (which should be pretty quick once I get on the penicillin).

I walked down to the grocery store earlier this afternoon, and for the first time in quite some time I felt like myself. I had Jay-Z pumping in my headphones, telling the world that he don't give a fuck about their rules, and I just thought, "Since when am I life's bitch?! Since when do I let things being hard stop me? Since when do I let anyone else determine what is best for me?"

Fuck you 2010, I'm taking my life back.

This is death of auto tune, moment of silence.

Diagnosis Health

Hello cats and kittens!

Last week I had the pleasure of being interviewed about my PhD research for a kooky little health science web show called Diagnosis Health. Check me out on YouTube!!

Let the Awesomeness Begin!

Do you know what today is cats and kittens? Today is the start of my favourite season in Melbourne: the Suzuki Night Market! This market brings together pretty much all of Melbourne's funkiest market vendors, along with really awesome food and drink* right outside my office every Wednesday evening from now until the beginning of March. This was one of the first things I discovered about Melbourne when I moved here in Feb '08. Unfortunately, I discovered it at the end of the market season and had to wait 8 months before I could really experience the full awesomeness of the Night Market. My tradition is to go every Wednesday. This usually lasts until after Christmas, when my fanatical obsession suddenly seems to die away, along with the funds in my bank account.

I'm extra excited about this year's Night Market because of all the weight I've lost this year. My shopping options should be greatly increased! Though after putting on 1kg I've said I can't buy any new clothes until I lose 2kg, and as this has not yet happened, tonight I will be looking with my eyes, not my wallet.

But given that most of my clothes are now too big for me, I am looking forward to stocking up on some funky summer threads over the coming months, and this has gotten my thinking...

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #6: Experiment!

As the years have gone by, I've developed a certain way of dressing and quite frankly sometimes I bore myself. My funkier outfits, the ones that get me noticed, are not what I wear on a day-to-day basis, mostly because I cannot be bothered. But now that I am faced with having to slowly clear out all my old clothes and get new ones, I'm starting to give more thought to how I want to dress. Also, being on a budget means that I'm not just wandering into a store and picking up random things and seeing which ones stand the test of time anymore. Gone are the days of unjustified clothes shopping!

So knowing how I like to dress and what I've already got in my wardrobe, my mission as I seek out new additions is to try new things. I have a tendency to stick to what I know is practical instead of branching out and experimenting. I want to create a wardrobe that has a lot more versatility and creativity in it.

I also want to stop hording accessories that I never use! I went through this phase of being really into scarfs, and I amassed heaps of them. But at some point I stopped wearing them (though it took me awhile to catch up on the stop buying them front). I do like my scarfs, and many of them signal emotional connections to a certain time in my life. But I rarely wear them. Is that a side of me that I have moved on from? Or is it time for a scarf revival? This is one of the things I intent to experiment with and find out! The same applies to my collection of broaches, bangles, earrings and necklaces. So watch out for some retro revivals from the hidden depths of my accessory collections as I engage in some summer wardrobe experimentation!
*I can't personally vouch for the drink, aside from the Lemonade Stand, which was a massive let down...and what's up with the ban on photography?! What on earth makes them so special? Apparently the sangria is really great though.

Socks Code of Conduct

OK, so I know that this is weird and pedantic and all that, BUT! I have a real issue with socks. I don't know why, but I do. And it's not just one of those crazy quirks that I can apply to myself and not judge others by the same standards. Oooh no! I judge people by their socks. I know it's stupid, but when someone tells me they willfully break my sock rules, I reassess why this person is in my life.

I'm writing about this today because I have quite accidentally broken one of my sock rules, and I didn't realize it until it was much too late! I did not mean to leave the house in the socks I am wearing, and now that I have realized this, I will be self conscious for the rest of the day.

So what, exactly, are my sock hang-ups? Well!

1. Mismatching socks - I get distressed if I'm wearing two mismatched black socks, I cannot imagine how someone could go through life wearing completely different coloured socks.
2. Dirty socks - Some things can be worn more than once before they need a wash, but not socks. I would rather go without socks than have to re-wear a dirty pair. Though in a similar pinch, I will re-wear dirty underwear.
3. Toe socks - This is just a whole world of wrong and I don't know how to deal with people who wear these. Also, toe rings. There is never an acceptable time to wear toe rings.

OK, so it might just be those 3, but they do truly repulse me. Honestly, I prefer to go without socks, but that is not always the weather appropriate option.

My breech of conduct today has to do with Rule #2. You see, it's been getting chilly at night and my body has a tendancy to stop supplying my toes with any blood when I'm cold, resulting in my having blue toes during winter. I have realized that this can be prevented if I wear socks to bed (I used to have a rule expressly forbidding this, but needs must I dropped it). Normally I sleep in really thick wool socks that I would not be able to wear a shoe over, and hence, never leave the house in my bedtime socks. But lately I've been using a pair of just regular wool socks, which I do wear in my shoes during winter. And this morning, I forgot to change my socks. Now my feet are overly warm and I feel like an embarassment to society.

In un-sock related news... I've got my new computer. It probably would be quite exciting, except I reached my download limit on my internet at the same time, so I haven't actually been able to properly set up my new computer. Also, I didn't want to have to buy a new computer, so I wasn't super thrilled about it anyways. It's a netbook, which is another reason I'm not super thrilled. But, it is super light and tiny, and so it will be handy for working on the go. I'm sure I'll come around to it in time.

Little Fishies

It's been awhile since I updated my blog, which isn't intentional. I've just been busy and my internet at home is slow and painful to use. I'm not sure if the problem is my internet connection, my apartment building, or my computer. I'm hoping it's my computer because a shiny new one is on it's way into my life. I'm so excited about being able to see my computer screen again! I've completely forgotten what that's like.

The past few weeks have been muffin, cake, chips and ice cream heavy, and I have felt the effects of this. My slow but steady weight loss did a 180 and the numbers on the scale went up instead of down. While I would like to live a life where going up 1kg is not a big deal, I am still a long ways from my goal weight and going up 1kg is a sign that I've gone off track.

So it's been out with the junk food and into the pool for me. No more of this "oh, it's raining, I don't wanna go to yoga" business either! Discipline is an admirable thing to have in ones life and I must return to my idol, Lady Gaga, for inspiration in getting back on track. (Also, Janelle Monae, why on earth has my brother not told me about her?!) Lady Cop and I have entered into a gentle woman's accord to achieve our various fitness goals, and I have every intention of schooling her ass.

My aim is to lose 18kg in 7 months. This year I have lost at least 10kg, and that was only by moderately increasing my exercise. I have been making subtle changes to my diet more recently, and now I will need to be much more disciplined about what I eat. Also, I need to up my time at the pool from 3-4 times a week to 4-5 times a week. And I need to push myself harder at the pool.

At the moment, I swim 50 laps or 1.5km and I can do this in 42-43 minutes. Currently, I am trying to get my time down to 40 minutes. This is proving to be more challenging than I initially anticipated. It is requiring me to really build up my muscles. Which brings me to my diet...

After 6.5 years of dedicated vegetarianism, I have decided to start eating fish. I know, I know! It is shocking. I've only told a couple people at my office about this, as vegetarianism is pretty much the norm here. Today at lunch when I 'came out', one colleague said "...are you still queer?" (Yes, obviously! I haven't gone completely mad!)

I didn't eat fish before becoming a vegetarian, so this is no small decision. I was not getting enough protein to build up and maintain my muscles so a change of diet was required. Ultimately, my decision to turn to vegetarianism was for health reasons, and taking stock of my current situation, eating fish was the healithiest option to increasing my protein and maintaining a balanced diet. I felt sad and kinda sick the first time I ate it, but, then I had to admit to myself that it was really quite tasty.

Actually, if I can be really naughty, I'm even more excited about Christmas in Hawaii now. All those trips to the Indian Ocean when I said no the what looked like the most amazingly delicious fish dishes... Like hell I'm gonna sit on an island in the middle of the Pacific and turn down some Humuhumunukunukuapuaa now!

Tales of an Evolving City

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I was going to check out a session at the Australian Travel Writers Festival. That session was on Saturday. I almost didn't go to it. The forecast called for a torrential downpour and I was not relishing the idea of going all the way into the city just for an hour talk, especially after a night of drinking and not a lot of sleeping. But I got myself some coffee and threw on some clothes and made plans to meet up with my flatmate for lunch after the session, and that took the sting off making the trip into the city.

I'm really glad I did end up going! It was quite an interesting talk that got my slightly beer soaked brain juices flowing. The session was on the psychogeography of Melbourne and about if cities have personalities. Melbourne's got personality coming out the wazoo, so I expected the talk to be more focused on how Melbourne's rather distinctive personality came into being. Instead, the talk was more about how we develop a sense of place and come to see space as holding parts of our personal history.

I found this particular personal interest and relevance because since moving to Melbourne, I have been very aware of how my sense of the space of the city has evolved and changed as my sense of place in the city has become more established.

Having done a fair bit of travelling before I moved here, I was well aware of the fact that when I initially arrive in a city everything looks shiny and exciting, but as I spend more time in that city, my perceptions of the city change. When I lived in Amsterdam, I had quite a hard time adjusting to the city and never was able to feel at home there. As I was moving to Melbourne for a much longer period of time, I was determined not to make the same mistakes I made with Amsterdam. I had very few expectations of Melbourne before I arrived. I'd heard that the shopping and food were good, and was pleased by this, but that was all. When I arrived here, I paid attention to how I felt about the city: what I noticed, what interested me, what I liked, what I didn't like. Doing that has allowed me to watch my feelings about Melbourne grow and change as I've become more integrated into the city.

Before I arrived in Melbourne, I spent a lot of time looking at maps of the CBD (downtown) so that when I did get here I was able to make my way around the city with relative ease. I didn't feel anxious about getting lost because I had memorised the map. I find it very freeing to know where I am in a city, so having this map in my head really put me at ease. Now that I've got an iPhone, being able to look up an address or my own location at a moment's notice has been invaluable in developing my sense of place in Melbourne.

The first year I was here, when I would drive with someone somewhere, I often felt anxious because I didn't know the roads. I didn't know what we would encounter from point A to B, even if I was familiar with points A and B, because I get around by walking and public transport. I have now come to know the city well enough that I can almost always locate myself on my inner map of Melbourne. And the more I am able to do that, the more at peace I feel.

My perception of Melbourne has shifted and changed in the nearly 3 years I've lived here. Aside from just knowing the city better, I have developed much more of a history with it. Now when I walk, drive, tram, or train my way through the city, I can point out places of personal relevance to me. Places I've lived, share houses I've looked at, restaurants and cafes I've been, adventures I've had. These days I often unexpectedly run into people I know when I'm wandering around the city, which I love!

After the session had finished, I made my way down Swanston St to meet up with my flatmate for lunch. Walking down Swanston St was a perfect example of how my perception of Melbourne has shifted since I moved here. When I first arrived in Melbourne, I spent most of my time wandering around on Swanston St. It's a pedestrian busy street that runs north from Flinders St station,which is itself a very busy hub. The street is lined with touristy shops and cheap clothing stores, along with historical buildings, shopping malls, and tram lines. It felt safe to wander around the CBD from Swanston St, as I was surrounded by other newcomers to the city. I made many trips to Target and the QV in those first few months here and came to feel quite at home on Swanston St.

As I settled into uni and moved from a hotel in Preston to a house in Flemington, the central street in my CBD experience shifted from Swanston St to Elizabeth St. I stopped going to Target and QV and started going to Melbourne Central. I even switched to a different bank. Gradually, I lost familiarity with Swanston St. It became touristy, brash, disorienting, a place best avoided. Then, slowly, as my friendship circle expanded, Swanston St became a meeting ground, a place to grab a coffee or a beer or lunch, a place to catch a tram, a place with a bank of ATMs for my bank, a place with specific shops like Virgin, the start of China Town. It became infused with memories, some important, others trivial. It holds a part of my history with this city and as we both continue to exist in this space, that history will grow and become more multifaceted.

Think about the city you live in and how the streets have changed for you over time. What memories do they hold? You might be surprised to realise a seemingly mundane place can be infested with important moments of life history.

Phobia

Phobias. Everyone's got 'em. An irrational fear of something. And today I came face to face with mine.

So what is it that turns your normally brave and adventurous narrator into a quivering pile of girly screaming jelly?

Death? No, I like being alive but I'm not afraid to die.
Public speaking? Makes me nervous, but that is all.
Spiders? Nah, we're cool. I've killed red backs and white tails without so much as a squeal (though disposing of the bodies is another story altogether...)
Heights? Nope, I'm not the person with the white knuckles gripping the rail.
Balloons? No, I'm quite fond of balloons.
Clowns? I never read that particular Stephen King book...

Bees. Bees scare the fuck outta me. Bees and wasps.

I don't know why these little honey makers fill me with sheer panicky terror. I'm not allergic to them (and if I was, it wouldn't be a phobia, it'd just be sensible). I've been stung enough to know its not the end of the world. Nevertheless, I am absolutely terrified of these little creatures. Over the years I've gotten a bit better with bees. I know they won't sting me unless provoked, so I can generally control myself enough to not shriek and duck for cover and wet myself. Wasps...I generally freeze, turn white, and start dripping big beads of sweat until they fly off or whoever is around me goes "Oh for fuck sake!" and gets rid of them for me.

I haven't had any close encounters with bees or wasps in quite some time. Long enough that I was starting to wonder if maybe my phobia of them is more habitual than genuine. Oh no, it's genuine!

I was walking home from the grocery store this afternoon, listening to my ipod, lost in my thoughts, when I something on my shirt caught my eye. Closer inspection revealed that A BEE was sitting on my boob! It looked happy enough, sitting there, having a rest, enjoying the breeze blowing over it's horrible furry body. Meanwhile, I was coming to terms with the fact that my worst fear was sitting on my boob and I was gonna have to deal with it on my own.

My first instinct, I shit you not, was to just get the fuck outta my shirt and run like hell. Not run like hell because I would then be standing on my street in the middle of the afternoon in my bra, but run like hell to get away from the shirt, which I would never, ever, ever come back for. But I had my headphones in and if I pulled my shirt off, it would've got stuck in them. So, with my shirt halfway off my back, I changed strategies.

I tried to shake it off my shirt, praying that this wouldn't result in it flying up into my face as then I would have burst into tears and started pleading with God to spare my life (again, not allergic to bees). The bee, for it's part, sought out less shaky ground and started crawling it's way up my shirt, towards my face. Again, my shirt almost came off, and I started pleading, out loud, with the bee to please, please just get off of me.

The thoughts rushed through my head: "Why did this have to happen to me when I'm all by myself? Lady Cop is meant to be protecting me from this very fate! Damn her for not being here! Look, it wouldn't be the end of the world to just leave the shirt and the groceries and whatever else behind to get away from this bee. Who cares who sees me?"

I had about 5 seconds to get the bee off my shirt before I said "fuck it" and got the shirt off of me. I grabbed a stick off the ground and bent down so I was close to the ground, gave the bee a flick, and resumed breathing. It was off. And with any luck, it was too confused about what had just happened to be angry with me. I grabbed my groceries and headed home, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating. Seriously, I didn't shake that much when I got mugged.

Do I feel braver for having successfully confronted my biggest fear? HELL NO! It was AWFUL and I can assure you I will be just as big of a panic stricken baby if it ever happens again. All I can say is thank goodness I live in Australia where any passers by would likely assume I had a rather deadly spider on my shirt and that my reaction was quite sensible.

Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins

As you probably know by now, I am world renowned for my muffin baking skillz. Over the past couple of years I have been expertly honing my skills and becoming more and more adventurous in my flavour combinations. I have taken to keeping muffins in my freezer so I have something to snack on and it was time to restock. Also, I had promised to make Lady Cop some muffins, either for her birthday or a incredibly awesome date we have planned. On top of that, we're having a bring a plate lunch at uni to celebrate the end of office construction.

I had asked Lady Cop about her muffin preference, to which she said 'chocolate', and after I refused to make straight up chocolate muffins, she conceded that blueberry would also be acceptable. I'm not the biggest fan of blueberry muffins, and the combination of blueberry and chocolate just wasn't doing it for me. I mulled over it for a couple days, and on a trip to the Queen Vic Market the answer came to me: pistachios! I ran the idea past a couple women at my campus, who both thought it sounded divine, that I was crazy for poo pooing chocolate and blueberries, and that a yogurt based batter would really even out the flavours. And so a new flavour concoction was born!

Yesterday I set to work making what turned out to be some especially lovely muffins! And since I know you're all just itching to know my secrets, I'm gonna share the recipe with you!!! Please note, I tend to eyeball things and I can't promise you will have the same result as me. Also, I am aware I am listing things half in metric and half in US measurements.

Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins

Ingredients
250g flour
150g brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp cinnamon
75g pistachios, chopped
1 egg, beaten
50g butter, melted
250g yogurt

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup milk

250g blueberries (I used frozen)

100g dark chocolate, chopped

Instructions

Preheat oven to 200 C, I pop the butter in while the oven is warming up to melt it.

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and pistachios.

In a separate bowl, mix together the egg, butter, yogurt, and milk.

Then pour the yogurt mixture over the dry ingredients, and add the blueberries and chocolate at the same time. Stir together only mixing until just combined.

The batter turns this horrible grayish purple colour, but it's OK! They won't stay that colour once they're baked.

Spoon into muffin cases (I'm not sure how many muffins you'll end up with, if you make smaller ones, you could probably get 2 dozen) filing each case about 2/3 full. I like to line the casings with melted butter and a dusting of flour to prevent the muffins from sticking. I think those paper liners are stupid and encourage you not to use them.

Bake at 200 C for 20-30 minutes or until firm and springy to the touch. I found they needed about 30 minutes, but that could just be my oven. Also, I'm not used to cooking with yogurt and the first batch I made, which I baked for 25 minutes, are on the soggy side. You don't want to burn the muffins, but a golden top is fine.

See? Look at that colour transformation! They don't stay green either.

When finished baking, cool in the cases or on a wire rack (or, as I do, on a plate).

Ta Da! I found these muffins to have a lovely subtlety of flavour to them. I should note that I used less chocolate and pistachio than in the list of ingredients I've listed. I listed higher amounts because I was just guessing at how much I'd need when I made these muffins, and I think the subtlety will still be there with just a bit more chocolate and pistachio to spread around.

Feel free to give this recipe a go, and make whatever changes to it you'd like. I am a huge fan of experimenting in the kitchen, so go nuts!!!

Ladies, it's time to FROCK UP!

I don't really understand people who say spring is their favourite season. Maybe in some cities spring actually exists as a season, but that doesn't seem to be the case in Melbourne. Spring in Melbourne is more like rapidly flipping through before and after shots of a fad diet. Here's what winter looked like, here's what summer has in store. Having already lived through winter, I am well aware of what it looked like and quite frankly no longer give a fuck. Bring on the sunshine and heat stroke baby!

I feel like a kid in a candy store on the 'summer preview' days of Melbourne's spring. Or perhaps a lolly shop, since I'm in Australia and all. Today is one of those beautiful, warm, sunny days that leaves me with no desire to be indoors. And you know what the best part about warm weather is? The frocks!

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #5: Never walk away from a perfectly fitting dress. Never!

I spend the majority of the year in jeans. And jeans are great and all, but they're just jeans. Yeah, you can dress them up or dress them down, but nobody really cares. They're still jeans. Once the weather warms up and I can expand my footwear options though, it's all about being in a skirt! They're so light and flirty and flattering.

But when it comes to looking TOTALLY AWESOME, the only thing that's gonna cut it is a dress. As a friend once pointed out to me, the beauty of a dress is that it's so damn simple! You put it on, and then you look great. Easy as! The only trick to wearing a dress is that it's got to fit right. Otherwise you will not look TOTALLY AWESOME; you will look like you are wearing a burlap sack.

Now, I don't believe that anyone is the kind of person who can just randomly pick anything off the rack in their size and look great in it. That is some weird ass TV land fiction. We've all got different shapes and therefore different styles that do and don't work for us, this was style tip #2. And this leads me to believe that coming across a perfectly fitting dress is a rare find akin to coming across a unicorn on your stroll through the park. Therefore, when you come across this mystic creation, YOU MUST BUY IT NO MATTER WHAT! That is why god invented lay-bys.

Normally I'd feel sick at the thought of such a blatant endorsement of consumerism, but not in this case. The perfectly fitting dress is just too rare and wonderful a thing to let slip by. It is a thing from which there are no regrets. So ladies (of the southern hemisphere anyways), as the weather heats up keep your eyes peeled and maybe you will see that unicorn as you stroll through the park.

City of Festivals

Melbourne is a city of festivals.  Festivals of what? Whatever you can think of. I swear. Every weekend there seems to be a festival of some notoriety on, along with 4 or 5 more obscure ones. My first year here I was overwhelmed with the festival options; so much so that I don't think I actually participated in any of them.

The problem is, the festivals are actually pretty decent, so there's always heaps of events I'd like to be going to. But, for the most part they aren't free, so actually attending any of these events requires a fair bit of planning. Or they do for me as I'm a broke ass student. I think I need a calendar of Melbourne festivals, then things like the film festival won't completely pass me by because I didn't put any money aside to buy tickets.

Somehow though, this past month has been filled with fun festival activities. In September I saw 2 of the Melbourne Fringe Festival shows (both by the Women's Circus, both spectacular events!) And what comes after the Melbourne Fringe Festival? The Melbourne Festival! I was able to catch a free show called Kaosmos which involved a crane, a metal ball, and half a dozen aerial acrobatic artists. It was a pretty impressive show!

Then on Sunday I went to see the latest mad creation by Finucane & Smith: Carnival of Mysteries. I don't really know how to describe what these women do. It's completely surreal, over the top, in your face, and sexy in a disturbing way. I went and saw their trademark show The Burlesque Hour for my 26th birthday and I never recovered. Especially not from my obsession with Azaria Universe, but there is no recovering from her.

For the record, that is FOUR circus performances in the past month! Lady Cop has taken to teasing me that I'm going to run away and join the circus. My flatmate, who is a part of the Women's Circus, is encouraging me to. And I am reading Angela Carter's Nights at the Circus which just isn't helping the "no, let's not run away to the circus" cause. Maybe I will run away and join the circus. After I finish my PhD though.

But the parade of festivals doesn't stop there! Guess what's on next weekend? The Australian Festival of Travel Writing. I shit you not. If you are reading this blog and for some reason don't actually know anything about me, then you probably aren't paying much attention. I have been traveling internationally since I was 16. Not a year has passed since then that I have not left whatever country I've been living in - and only in 1 of those years have I not gone on an overseas trip. I am determined to keep this travel streak going, although admittedly this year I'm cutting it extremely close, not leaving Australia until the very end of the year. And the fact that you are reading my blog is evidence enough that I enjoy writing. I'm sure you can put the two together.

I'm only going to one session for the AFTW, but I'm just excited to be going to any! And I imagine any travel writing skills I pick up at this session will come in handy when I run away and join the circus...

Thanksgiving

This past weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving on account of it being a holiday that glorifies colonialism and the slaughtering of turkeys (I would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving had it not been for Facebook) but this year, in spite of myself, I had a mini Thanksgiving celebration.

As previously mentioned, I have recently started seeing someone, who will henceforth be referred to as Lady Cop (on account of her being a lady cop and a really bad Lil Wayne song, though I'm not sure there is such a thing as a good Lil Wayne song...) and on Monday I cooked dinner for her and my flatmate. I am a vegetarian of over 6 years; Lady Cop is not. I made us a lovely vegetable and tofu stir fry, and she informed me that prior to coming over to dinner, she had eaten some meat. You know, just in case. It's a good thing neither of us takes ourselves all that seriously!

This was just intended to be a cheap date night, it wasn't meant to have any connection to Thanksgiving at all. There certainly wasn't any pumpkin pie, which, in Australia is an entirely different - and better - thing than in North America. But as I was in the kitchen serving up dinner and Lady Cop was interrogating my flatmate, who was becoming increasingly flustered and distressed (which made me chuckle because I totally fell for Lady Cop when she interrogated me), Thanksgiving just happened. And not the Thanksgiving that I'm used to, which generally filled me with anxiety and dread, but the Hallmark Thanksgiving - the kind that can never be achieved by trying to manufacture it.

This new relationship with Lady Cop, it's different from my previous relationships. Or rather, I'm different than in my previous relationships. In my life in general (not just relationships) I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about the future, because the future is a fantasy and can hold all the potential you want it to when the present isn't so great. I don't find myself day dreaming about the future much at all these days. I used to be so preoccupied with how much better things would be in the future that I really turned a blind eye to the reality of the present. That changed when my last relationship ended and my ideas about how the future would be once again came crashing down and I was forced to deal with the present. Enough had shifted in me that when this happened, I actually wanted to deal with the present; I didn't want to just escape into another fantasy about what my future could be.

I don't actually think about the future very much at all these days. Generally when I do think about it, it's in terms of, "Oh fuck, what am I going to do when I finish my PhD?" I like where my life is at the moment, and I am really enjoying just seeing where the path that I'm on leads me. A big part of why I'm so content with sticking to the present is that my present is very much characterised by change. I am in transition, and that is my favourite place to be.

Going back to my relationship with Lady Cop, what's been different is that it's really developing quite naturally and organically. It's just happening on it's own accord and we're both going along with it and seeing where it leads. Neither of us knows where that will be. It doesn't matter, really. What matters is that right now we are happy and right now things are good. We'll deal with the future and whatever it holds as it comes to us. 

This Thanksgiving, I know what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to be in a place in my life where I can have a beautiful Thanksgiving with people I care about, without the turkey and the pumpkin pie. I am thankful for Lady Cop and all her ridiculousness (but especially her ridiculous accent). And I am especially thankful for those 3 people who got picked to be transferred out to the country instead of Lady Cop, so that our relationship can continue on it's journey, naturally and organically, whatever that may be.

Conquistador

Yesterday Melbourne experienced one of those warm, sunny days that make you think "gee, spring is a pretty nice season." After a long, cold, wet winter we are finally starting to enjoy some consistently nice spring weather and I for one am making the most of it! Come summer, it's too hot to be outside for more than 30 seconds at a time so in spring it's all about being outdoors right now. The change in the weather has made me decide it's time for a little less conversation, and a little more action. It is time to swim at the Brunswick Baths.

As you know, I have been itching to give the Brunswick Baths pool a go; it's got like twice the lanes of the MCB, is 50m instead of 30m, and is outdoors instead of indoors.

Well ladies and gentlemen, today I conqured the Brunswick Baths!

It was daunting at first, swimming in a new pool that is nearly twice the length of my regular pool. Being a newbie, I decided to stick to the slow lane, though I know from my Sunday morning yoga pool perving that I'm plenty fast enough for the medium lane. But the slow lane was along the outside edge of the pool and was empty, so I was quite happy to get the lay of the land from there.

The first thing I noticed was that the chlorine was not nearly as harsh as I thought it would be. Actually, the first thing I noticed was that the shallow end was really shallow. The water was lovely; nice and warm but still refreshingly cool in the sun. I pushed off and away I went! MCB is a mixture of salt and chlorine, so the water is just a bit cloudy. This is not the case at Brunswick Baths. The water is incredibly clear! Which was a bit disconcerting when I first got to the deep end, which has a big WARNING sign written on the bottom of the pool, then drops to a depth of 5m.

My first few laps left me gasping for air. I really only stop for a couple of seconds between laps at MCB, but 1 lap at Brunswick Baths is nearly 2 laps at MCB and it took awhile for my body to adjust to the longer laps. It was great though, having longer lanes. Sometimes in the 30m pool I feel like I'm just getting into the groove when I get to the other side.

When I swim I alternate between freestyle and backstroke. The nice thing about doing backstroke at the MCB is because it's an indoor pool, I can align myself with the ceiling and swim in a straight line. Looking up from the outdoor pool, it was all sky. And sun. I'll need to get tinted goggles so I'm not swimming with my eyes closed. I think by the end of my swim I'd gotten myself swimming in a reasonably straight line, but I sure was glad to have the lane to myself at the start!

Around my 20th lap someone decided to join me in the slow lane, which annoyed me and prompted me to move over into the double medium lane. There was only one other person in the double medium lane, so I figured we'd have plenty of room to navigate around one another if the need arose, which it didn't.

I did a total of 30 laps, or 1.5km (which is what I swim at MCB, in 50 laps). I couldn't really see the clock, so I don't know what my time actually was, but it was slower than usual, which I expected it to be this first time around. I'll have to get one of those waterproof stop watches so I can properly time myself. Stretching out at the end of my laps, looking out across the pool, I was tempted to keep going. But I reminded myself that I still had a kilometer walk home and may be more tired than I realized. This was a good call. I'm sure I would have survived another 2 laps, but I was certainly feeling the burn on my way home.

I try to get to the pool 3-4 times a week. It's pretty easy to do when I'm at uni; I just go down the road to MCB for a swim on my way home. But on the weekends this means making a special trip into the city, which I don't always feel like doing (though I have discovered the perfect time to swim on a Saturday). And, going into the city just for a swim seems like a silly thing to do on the days when I work from home, which I am doing more frequently. But now that the weather is warming up, popping down to the Brunswick Baths seems like quite an easy option. In fact, I think I will make it a regular part of my Tuesday routine!

Everything I Am

People talkin' shit but when the shit hit the fan

Everything I'm not made me everything I am

- Kanye West

For the past 2 years I've been spending most Thursday nights involved with this self development course called Human Relations for Everyday Living. It has been an immensely positive thing for me and has transformed a lot of my relationships for the better. In the course we learn about our defense mechanisms and how to let go of them and engage with ourselves and others in more nurturing, positive, healthy ways. Sometimes the things we talk about can feel really theoretical, and while I have been able to see all sorts of subtle changes in myself and how I related to other people, I've wondered if these skills will hold up when they're really tested; as if my day-to-day life isn't a real test! This past week has felt like a real test though. And, when the course starts up again this week, I'll be happy to report that I passed with flying colours.

It's been a kind of strange and wonderful couple of weeks. A lot's happened, and I'm not going to go into all the details of what, but I will say it's involved family dramas, old friends, uni landmarks and the emergence of a new lady in my life. And in everything that has happened, I have seen myself behaving completely differently from how I have in the past. Better, more mature, more self-aware, more reflexive, and more considerate of those I'm interacting with.

I feel like at some point I stepped outside myself and started to observe myself, and the observer-me is acting rationally, whereas I often react emotionally (and oh! the drama that can ensue!) Observer-me has learnt a lot of valuable things about myself the past couple of weeks. It's like I've flicked a switch or something. When it comes to personal development, I'm of the opinion that you've got to make a decision to change. And you have to make that decision over and over and over again every time the temptation of old habits comes calling. Eventually, the old habit fades and a new one is formed. I feel like my decision not to be an emotional idiot, a decision that has been well over 2 years in the active making, is really shifting from something I have to struggle with to something that I just am doing.

I've mentioned in this blog before that my life was characterised by my unhappiness for a long time. It really does seem that after 28 years of emotionally struggling, I've reached a point where it doesn't have to be difficult anymore. I've made a lot of changes to my life since moving to Melbourne; changes which have allowed me to get some much needed distance from my past and the people in it, some much needed perspective on my past and the people in it, and some much needed boundaries around my past and the people in it. This hasn't been easy to do, and those boundaries still need a lot of reinforcing. Sometimes the bullshit from the past finds its way back into my life and I'm left feeling anxious and boxed in. But I have a choice now. I don't have to let it get to me anymore.

These days, my life is good. I'm not angry at the world anymore. I feel completely free to live my life exactly how I want to live it, and that is exactly what I am doing. I feel strong and independent and secure in myself. Whatever people think of me and the choices I've made doesn't matter anymore. Because I know who I am, and I know what I am capable of. And most importantly, I know I'm not going to be the incredibly unhappy person I was ever again.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

For a long time I used shopping as a way to distract myself when I was feeling down. And because I felt down pretty much all the time, I shopped A LOT! I used to have to go through my wardrobe 3 or 4 times a year to clear out my old clothes and make way for my new ones. I spent money as if it didn't matter, oh but it did! And now I am paying for it, literally. And what do I have to show for all the money I've spent on clothes and shoes over the years? Not a helluva lot!

Eventually I had to face up to my credit debt problem and stop buying shit every time I was in a bad mood. I'd be lying if I said I've completely kicked the habit, but, I can definitely say that I've gotten a handle on it. I do still indulge in the occasional spot of retail therapy, but when I do, I have strict rules about what I can spend money on, and how much money I can spend. And now that I'm not dealing with buyer's remorse, a bit of retail therapy often does lift me up out of a funk.

Actually, as a free extra tip for all y'alls: getting dressed up is one of the best way to kick a funk to the curb. It's damn hard to feel down on life when you're dressed to the nines.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #4: Know when to spend and when to save

Unlike what popular culture would have us believe, being a 20-something doesn't mean having unfettered access to a steady cash flow. Most of us live on a budget. I live on a reallllly tight budget. But for many of us, myself included, fashion is important and looking good matters a lot! And it is possible to look great and not break the bank. They key is knowing what things to spend money on, and what to get as cheaply as possible.

Obviously, anything that can be got on sale is better than paying full price. But that's not what I'm talking about. Some things are worth paying money for, some things, not so much. If it's something that is a super-of-the-moment fad, it is probably not worth spending a lot of money on. Any piece of quality clothing that suits your body shape is worth spending a lot of money on.

As a general rule for myself, I don't spend a lot of money on my wardrobe staples. I like clothes that are fairly plain, because they are easy to mix and match. I like bright colours, but generally avoid patterns. So when I find something that is a flattering cut and cheap, I will buy it in a few different colours. When I was still living in Calgary, I was a regular at Old Navy for this very reason. Alas, we don't have Old Navy here in Melbourne, but we do have KMart. And KMart, I have discovered, has the solution to all life's problems. I recently bought 3 skirts, 2 shirts, and a new pair of tights from there for a whooping $79.

Some things that I think are worth spending money on?

1) A good hairdo!
I haven't made having awesome hair one of my style tips, but, in retrospect I should have. Don't just trust your hairdresser to know what they are doing. Shop around! You want to go to a hairdresser who reflects the style you are looking to achieve. You should be in awe of the hairstyles the people leaving your hairdresser have. Why? Because when you have a really great hairdo, you've already won the looking good battle. If you've got a crap hairdo, any attempt to look stylish is gonna fall on it's face.

2) Shoes!

I tend to do a lot of walking, so my shoes need to be made for walking, cuz that's just what they'll do! Don't let your shoes walk all over you! I am not a woman who can walk in heels, and yet, I am a woman with a secret chamber of fabulous shoes that I can (mostly) walk in. Comfortable and stylish shoes are no longer mutually exclusive things. The problem, of course, is that the stylish comfy shoes tend to be a bit on the extreme price side (like my under $500 boots). They are worth saving up for though, I PROMISE!

3) Good quality, flattering clothing.
It's cute, it's funky, it's well made, it looks great on you, and you're going to be one of only a handful of people to own it? Yeah, it's worth it. There is a store full of such goodies down the street from me. It's my save-up-and-treat-myself store.

So my little fashionistas, the next time you're out on a shopping binge, take a look at what you've got in your hand, how much you're being asked to shell out for it, and ask yourself "Is this really going to give me value for money?" No? Put it down and walk away. If you change your mind, you can always go back for it later.

Let's Play Dress-Up!

If there was a competition for the "World's Worst Packer", I would be a serious contender. I may have even won the crown in 2007 (I'll get to why in a minute). Some of you may be confused by this, since I will brag about my mad packing skillz at any possible opportunity. As I've said many times, Mary Poppins ain't got nothin' on me!

You see, what I am 'good' at is fitting an obscene amount of stuff into a suitcase and talking my way out of overage charges at airport check-ins. This is because I am not so good at making sensible decisions about what I will and won't need while I am away from home.

I have done a good deal of traveling over the years, but for some reason my packing abilities just became more and more chaotic with each passing trip. Actually, so did everything about my travel arrangements. After awhile I pretty much stopped planning and started just showing up and hoping for the best. (I really wouldn't recommend this approach to travel.)

Arguably the height of my insanely irrational travel packing/planning was my 2007 trip to Peru. I was spending a week in Lima to present a paper at a conference, and then was spending a week in Cuzco as a care-free tourist. It was winter in Peru, and like many North Americans, the idea that winter in the southern hemisphere could be cold seemed completely ridiculous to me. Also, having never been to an academic conference before, I had no idea what was appropriate to wear.

Faced with the task of packing for this trip, I was completely perplexed and overwhelmed. The solution? Two massive suitcases stuffed to the brim! Since I had no idea what I would need, I decided to just pack a little bit of everything. Except warm clothes. I had 2 cocktail dresses and about 5 pairs of shoes that I couldn't actually even walk in, not that they actually went with the dresses anyways! And when I tried to assemble something professional looking for the conference, I realized that I did not actually have any pieces that fit together in that way.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #3: Know Thy Wardrobe!

A year later, having carted half of Canada down to Melbourne with me (except for my warm clothes) I came across such a sensible tip in InStyle magazine that I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. This article was a guide of what to pack for a holiday, and took you through having a couple key pieces and some basics that work with a lot of different things so you can easily mix and match and create heaps of unique outfits from a small number of items. ... DUH!!!

My style tip to you is this: Think about the different pieces you have in your wardrobe and figure out which ones go together. Experiment with this! Sometimes all it takes is an extra layer to completely transform an outfit. Being aware of what you already have and the different way you can combine things makes shopping for new pieces a much more focused task (which I'll be discussing further in the next style tips installment).

Also, think about the accessories you have (shoes, jewellery, hand bags...) and what they go with. Back in the days when I had money to spend frivolously, I often came home with a gorgeous new pair of shoes that I didn't actually have anything to wear with. This is not practical! You know what happens to those shoes? They gather dust (metaphorically anyways, I'm anal about my shoe care) and then I eventually give them away to whoever'll take them off my hands.

So go forth, search out your wardrobe, and start playing dress-up! You never know what amazing combinations you could discover. You might even discover that that thing you just had to have but then never wore has some life to it yet!

Night Cheese No More

For a long time, this was me:



I've put in some long, hard hours workin' on my night cheese. And the night cheese had been workin' hard at me! It seemed such a simple pleasure, coming home after a long day to a nice block of cheese. But, it wasn't doing me any good and after awhile, I couldn't deny it anymore: I needed to quit the night cheese.

So, I started to ween myself down on the cheese, and last week when I finished the last of my block, I decided to declare my apartment a cheese-free zone. I had previously done this with chocolate, so I knew there would be some crazy withdrawal, and that the method is effective.

The withdrawal has not been as crazy as it was with chocolate (everything did not turn into cheese when I went to the grocery store this time), but it is pretty strong. I decided to get myself some olives, since they have that same salty taste but are a much healthier option. That has helped, and I haven't developed a crazy olive habit like I thought I might.

My rule is not that I cannot eat cheese (or chocolate), but that I cannot keep it in the house. When I did this with chocolate, the result was that I'd get myself a piece of cake or a cookie or something when I was out to satisfy the craving (I've moved on from that now, kind of). So I figured that whenever I went out I'd be all over the cheesey snacks. But that hasn't been the case. Thursday evening I took advantage of some cheesey snacks, but I honestly did not find them particularly satisfying. Friday I was considering getting a cheesey lunch, but found myself craving a hearty grilled vegetable salad instead.

Turns out, kicking cheese to the curb has really started to change the way I eat, particularly with regard to carbs. My quick and easy food fixes were often things like pasta with cheese, rice with cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, or just straight up cheese. Without cheese in the house, I have to pause and think about what it is I'm going to eat, leaving me with the options to make something decidedly healthier, or not eat.

And I've really noticed the difference already! I feel a lot better, healthier. I still crave the cheese, but, it seems to be more of a mental addiction than a physical one (chocolate is much more physical). I feel like I've taken a really positive step forward.

And you know what else? This morning I decided to see how I'm going with my slow, steady, sustainable weight loss. I hadn't weighed myself since my birthday and I wasn't expecting to find much difference. I had set myself a target weight to get down to, with the promise to myself that I would never allow myself to get over that weight again. And today, officially, I have reached that weight! And that feels fan-bloody-tastic!

Lost In Translation

Have you ever walked past a store display and seen the most amazing outfit that was just so beautiful and looked so good that you just had to rush in and put it on, because it will make you look like a Hollywood starlet? And then you find it in something that resembles your size and contort yourself into it, all the while thinking how life changing this outfit will be? And then you look in the mirror and are faced with the cold hard reality that you look like a circus freak?

M'hmm. We've all been there. You need...

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #2: Dress for your body type!

My hope is that you are reading this going, "Come on Joni, couldn't you think of something original? We ALL know this!" But, if wishes were horses I'd still be competing in gymkhanas. Even though this message has been jammed down our collective throats for so many years now, I think it's a message that bears repeating. Because, if you're anything like me, then even though you know full well that 3/4 length pants make you look like a hobbit, every summer you still buy a pair.

We all come in different shapes and sizes, which means that what a size 12 dress looks like on one person won't necessarily be what it looks like on another person. It is also why we get that circus freak phenomenon I referred to earlier. Different styles suit different shapes, regardless if you're a size 2 or 22. I get the circus freak phenomenon when I forget that I have hip and try on something designed to make curveless women look like they have curves.

There are endless style guides that will explain how to figure out what your body shape is and how best to dress for it, so I am not going to attempt to educate you What Not To Wear style. You're a big girl, you can figure it out. All I'm saying is, FIGURE IT OUT! Then make yourself your own style guide with all the helpful tips you've found so that you never look like a circus freak again!

Have you mastered that now? Good. Time for Phase Two!

Our shape and size changes over time. We lose weight, we gain weight, we start going to the gym and build up muscles we didn't have before, maybe we gain hips or boobs or ass that were previously missing. However we change, the point is that our shape and size will change. So once we figure out how to dress for our body type, we have to keep an eye on ourselves to make sure our body type is still that which we have learned to dress for.

Now, if there's one thing I can't stand it's when people are insecure about their bodies. Everybody has flaws, and if everybody would just stop obsessively pretending like it's possible not to have flaws, we'd all be better off for it. In the meantime, I'll be at the pool, traumatising the mothers of small children while I walk around the change room in my underwear (true story).

People, women especially, often make some pretty horrible fashion faux pas in an attempt to hide their fat. They may have a lot of fat, or they may need a mental health check and several gallons of ice cream. What they have in common is that they are wearing the wrong size!!!

Now, I must admit, I am currently guilty of this. I have been steadily losing weight for awhile and am now in a position where most of my clothes are too big for me. I recently bought 2 pairs of jeans, and one of them is the right size, the other is a size too big. But, since I am both poor and have every intention of losing more weight, I'm hardly in a position to go out and buy a new wardrobe. So yes, I know I am being hypocritical, but I also know what I'm talking about when I say:

Wearing the wrong size clothes makes you look fat!

For some people, the idea of wearing a size (or 2 or whatever) above what they normally wear is just too much to bear. So, they keep on squeezing into something that just don't fit. Lady, EVERYONE CAN TELL! It's so stupid, because if you just buy something in the proper size, even if you have put on weight, you'll look good and people will be way less likely to notice. If you want examples of this, check out People of Walmart.

For others, the offence is wearing baggy clothes to try and hide the rolls. Congratulations! You now look twice as fat as you actually are! A few years ago I had bought a pair of jeans while on vacation in NYC. I was in a hurry, so I didn't fuss too much with the size. The jeans were always a bit big on me, but my weight was going up and down at the time, so it was nice to have some more roomy jeans on hand. Well! It got to the point where I could step in and out of them without undoing them, and when I pulled on the thigh, let's just say that there was enough material for a lot more thigh. They were so big on me that it wasn't even like they sat loosely on me. They didn't sit ON me at all! I was shocked to realize just how awful I looked in them, and promptly threw them out.

So please, for the love of Gaga, wear the right size. And if you are going through shape/size transitions, of course it would be ridiculous to buy a whole new wardrobe before you reach your goal. But please, a) get rid of the worst offenders (I think a 1 size +/- buffer is fair game); b) when you do go out to buy new clothes, try on a few different sizes to make sure you've got the one that fits you best; and c) these days, jeans are stretchy, so, if they're a bit tight, that's probably the right size.

Thus concludes #2 of Joni's Top Ten Style Tips. Happy Styling Everyone!

You've Got Personality ... So Show It!

Women's engagement with the fashion and beauty industries is one of the many things that divides feminists. In the last year of my undergrad, my academic rival presented a paper at the end of the semester arguing that it is hypocritical of feminists to wear make-up. She stared at me from the front of the class and demanded answers to how I could possibly call myself a feminist with all that gunk on my face. I smiled and chuckled to myself. I don't remember how, or even if, I responded to her attack, but I do know that throughout the semester my outspokenness about my own brand of feminism had unnerved her enough to feel the need to challenge me and my views through her work. That's a victory in and of itself.

Like it or not, we are judged by our appearance. The debates rage on about if this is right or wrong, if and to what degree it is oppressive and/or damaging to women, and whatever else the various factions take issue with. Personally, I don't care if it's right or wrong or whatever else. It is a fact of life and I would rather work with it than struggle against it, largely because to struggle against it would mean to stop judging people by their appearances, and quite frankly I think that's a stupid thing to do.

Why? Because people send cues about who they are and what they are like through their appearance. Of course these cues are never 100% accurate, and individual people will interpret these cues differently. The point is, we all develop the ability to read cues about different people based on our own experiences and these cues can give us important information, like if a stranger is trustworthy. Or, possibly on a more practical day-to-day level, if someone is likely to have similar values to ourselves.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #1: Show off your personality!

Given that when you step out your front door people are going to be judging you on how you look, I reckon it's pretty damn important to think about what judgements we want people to be making about us. For instance, if it would really bother you to have people think that you're a lazy slob... clean yourself up and put on some clean clothes before you leave the house! Personally, I cannot stand to be seen as a corporate drone. Actually, I cannot stand to be seen as a cookie cutter version of anything, which is why my own sense of style (amongst other things) is probably best described as consistently inconsistent.

The key to this tip, really, is to know yourself. Once you have a handle on what makes you a shiny unique snowflake, you can start thinking about how best to reflect that in your sense of style.

I know that when it comes to continuums, if for some reason I can't sit smack dab in the middle, I will sit on both ends of the extremes. The best example of this is my gender identity. As my mother will attest, I have always loved frilly girly pink clothes with matching accessories (I still do), and I would punch you in the guts if you called me cute (I promise your guts are safe if you call me cute now). In simplest (reductionist) terms, I have a feminine exterior and a masculine interior. I do not sit in the middle of the gender continuum (androgyny), but straddle both ends simultaneously. What I like best about this aspect of myself is that it means I constantly get to challenge people's assumptions. There is nothing more fun than dressing ultra-femme and showing off my intellectual muscle (or physical muscle, I do still like punching).

Returning to the debates over feminism and fashion for just a moment, I actually think that fashion is an area where men often lose out, though, thankfully, this is starting to change. The sheer options available for women to choose from really do make it quite easy for us to express whatever side of ourselves we want to express. It's only quite recently that men's fashion has started to allow for them to let their personalities shine through. So boys and girls of the world, LET IT SHINE!

In closing, who would I say has mastered this style tip best? Lady Gaga, without a doubt!

When it comes to showing off your personality to the world, Gaga's got it covered! She is my personal fashion icon, and I think there's a lot to be said for how she's taken the world by storm. But possibly that is a blog for another day.

Well my little budding fashionista monsters, that concludes the first of my style tips for you. My aim is that each of my 10 tips will build on the previous one. I hope you have found this useful, and, until next time...

Is there anything more awesome than boobs AND sparklers? I doubt it!

Wardrobe FAIL!

Having a sense of style may be in breach of the Lesbian Code of Conduct, but ladies, some rules need to be smashed to itty bitty teeny tiny bits!! Also, ladies of Melbourne, while I must admit I do think you look hot, butch chic is not the only look there is. Just sayin'.

I have it on good authority that I have a pretty good sense of style. Aside from the "oohs" and "ahhs" I get from my colleagues, I get compliments from strangers on a pretty regular basis, and, my all time favourite, when I was doing that summer intensive in San Francisco one of the women came up to me and said, "Just so you know, what we talk about behind your back is great you dress." TRUE STORY! It's great to have the reassurance because the thing with fashion is, you take risks and sometimes they pay off, and sometimes they fail in oh so very epic ways.

Also, it's nice to hear that people think I put together a pretty good outfit considering that the majority of the time I do conform to the Lesbian Code of Conduct and just wear jeans, runners, and a plain (though colourful) shirt, have kinda greasy hair, and am not wearing any make-up. What can I say? I'm a woman who loves extremes.

Lately I've been thinking about my sense of style and what guides me in my wardrobe choices. And, inspired by my brother's epic music blogging, though down scaling it to a manageable project because I'm not insane, I have decided to share with you, dear readers, my Top Ten Style Tips! Over the coming weeks I will write a blog post about each of my Top Ten Style Tips, and then maybe you too can have people say lovely things about you behind your back on your next trip to San Francisco, or wherever. So that is COMING SOON!

It maybe would have started today, except, today I decided to get all dolled up only to have a wardrobe malfunction that required emergency measures to be taken!

Now, I love wearing skirts. Love love love skirts! But, I think the stats are something like 70% of the time I wear a skirt I end up with it hiked up around my ass as I'm walking down the street. In fact, I have a rule now that if I am going to wear a skirt, I must wear nice underwear because probably I'm going to be showing them off to everyone with eyes (sneak peak: there'll be more on that in my Top Ten Style Tips!) This happens to me enough that I have stopped being particularly embarrassed about it.

Last year I made an especially good show of myself. It was spring and I was enjoying the warming weather. I was wearing one of my favourite skirts, that has a particularly appealing movement to it. From my experience as an undergrad I had learned that when wearing a skirt and carrying a heavy bag, care needs to be taken so that the skirt does not ride up. All day I had taken care to avoid this. But the day was over, I was on my way home, feeling great about life, and feeling confident that I looked great. I had my big 'ol headphones on and was lost in my own little world. I got off the tram and started on my kilometer trek home, stopping at the milk bar for some soy milk on my way. I had a spring in my step and was tossing my long, golden mane of hair in the wind. Some guy across the street was yelling at me, but whatevs, I had my music on and I didn't care what he had to say. It wasn't until I was about to turn into my driveway when I felt the breeze on my bum that I realized what the guy across the street had been yelling at me: "Oi, love, pull yer skirt down!" Whether it had rode up when I got off the tram or when I stopped at the milk bar, I'll never know.

Today I decided I was going to break out a skirt and show some skin, though hopefully not my entire backside. After much deliberation I decided to go with my grey dress and blue-green jumper with these gorgeous grey art deco tights I had not yet worn. I accessorized with my latest awesome hat - a 1930's inspired Beret the same colour as my jumper, a long string of faux pearls, and my "OMG they're reduced by how much?" John Fluvogs. I looked decidedly awesome. The only trouble was, the art deco tights seemed to be some sort of low rise tights that were barely staying up.

Despite the tingling of my wardrobe malfunction spidy senses, I decided that my outfit was too amazing to change and I that I would just make due with the droopy tights. Well, that would have been all fine and dandy if they had actually been drooping instead of rolling down my legs! By the time I crossed the street to the bus stop I knew I was in trouble. But, not wanting to miss my bus, I soldiered on.

I was taking my computer in to get repaired, so I took the bus to Sydney Rd and then walked a couple of blocks down to the repair place. Only, by this time my tights were rolling dangerously low and I was worried they'd soon be around my knees. So I clutched my sides and practically ran into the Barkly Square toilets where I was able to take off the offending tights. Fortunately, I was able to pick something up cheap at KMart to get me through the rest of the day. My outfit is decidedly less awesome without the art deco tights, but, all in all it's still pretty good. Now, if only I could start listening to these warning bells when they go off!

Ars Emoticona

I'm the first to call 'ridiculous' when a TV show puts subtitles on anyone with the slightest hint of an accent or speech impediment, but sometimes, sometimes, I do wish we had a subtitle option in real life. I wish this for two reasons:

First, there's the practicality of it. How many times have you been at a bar yelling small talk over the music to your friends? Or attempting to run a bit of game on some hot young thing? Or, you know, if you're me, finding yourself agreeing to marry some Sudanese man you've just met?

The second reason is because as a Gen Yer, I am anxiously awaiting intravenous internet connections to hit the market. (Seriously dudes, hook that shit up!) I have spent a good deal of my life communicating with friends and family through a computer screen. My oldest friend and I are champion MSN marathon conversationalists. It's an art. You could, and many have, argue that this is a sign of deteriorating language, but, I often find myself speaking and thinking about how I would be representing what I am saying via the computer. Would I be BUSTIN' OUT THE CAP LOCKS? Would 17 questions marks be too many????????????????? Would my in-person blank-faced stare be met with the same understanding as :| is?

I used to think I was alone in my desire to tell people in a verbal conversation how I would represent what I am saying to them in typed text. But, my research has shown me that actually, this is a pretty typical desire for Gen Y's. In fact, in a couple of my interviews people have gone so far as to describe the emoticon they would use to represent how they are feeling, to clarify their verbal description. What's more, I have found this helpful in understanding where they are coming from! Actually, as I am transcribing my interviews, I am constantly fighting the urge to insert little emoticons to represent what my participants were expressing to me through their tone and facial expressions.

Often when I'm talking to people, especially people my age or younger, I can visualize what our subtitled conversation would look like. Often I also think that our conversation would be a lot more fun with the added OMG or }:( or any of these http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emoticons

One day, when we do have intravenous internet connections, we'll be able to sit down face-to-face with someone, plug into each other, and express ourselves on multiple platforms.

I don't believe that technology is killing communication. On the contrary, I think it's allowing for new forms of creativity and self expression to emerge. And I for one am excited about where this may lead.

He ATE his own children

It was my birthday on Tuesday. I am now an apparently astonishing 28 years old (astonishing to my parents, that is, I'm pretty well aware of my own existence). There are some interesting facts about turning 28 that I've only recently found out. First, it takes 7 years for every cell in your body to regenerate, so I am now a completely physically different person from when I was 21, and 2 different people from when I was 14. Second, it takes 28 years for Saturn to orbit the earth. Apparently this Saturn business is a sign of upheaval; one of my friends advised me that in Roman mythology Saturn ate his own children, so, you can imagine I'm not exactly feeling enthusiastic about my situation here. 27 was chaotic enough thankyouverymuch!

I'm hoping Saturn got all it's child-eating rage out on me already, you know, like over the past 28 years. Hmm, maybe Saturn's been chasing me around eating his kids for the past 28 years and now that he's come full circle and all the kids are ate up he doesn't have any reason to ride my ass. A girl can hope!

For a long time I saw birthdays more as a time to duck for cover than a time to celebrate. But since striking it out on my own in a new hemisphere I've been choosing to celebrate instead of hide. The past 2 years I've organised something, and while that's been fun, I wasn't up for it this year. I was hemming and hawing about what to do for my birthday when the solution came to me: an invitation to a 30th birthday party the weekend before my birthday, and Orlando (a monthly queer night at a nearby pub) the weekend after.

The 30th birthday involved a theme: create a matching outfit. So when I read that I right away thought of those horrible matching track suits (the ones in my imagination were pink velour and I nearly barfed) and I knew I was in for a good time. I'm not a fan of, in fact I am avidly against, the matching suit set look so I really had no idea what to wear. Then it dawned on me: POLKA DOTS! I have an amazing polka dot dress, and, in the course of moving office I rediscovered my polka dot shoes (which are, by far, the most amazing polka dot shoes to ever exist), and I was sorted! I rummaged through my stacks of accessories and pulled out everything spotted until I had the perfect polka dot look.

Since 30 is a pretty big deal, I didn't want to show up for the party empty handed. But being a poor student, splashing out on a present wasn't exactly in the budget. And then I had a moment of creative genius: Smarties cookies!

These cookies were doubly ingenious (in my mind anyways) because they are polka dot cookies, and because the party was for one of the admin staff at my campus, who has to put up with all us smart arse academics all day. Smarties...Smart Arses...get it?

The party was heaps of fun. It was a house party out in Northcote, which I was pleasantly surprised to discover is actually not insanely far from Brunswick. I won't go into the details, but, I ended up drinking half a bottle of rum, showing everyone my underwear (which, thank god, had polka dots), dancing, playing the piano terribly, and sitting out by the fire well past the wee hours of the morning and nearly into the regular hours of the morning. I got home around 5am, picked up a really nasty cough, and nearly died from the brightness of the sun when I crawled out of my bedroom-pit the next morning.

I've spent most of the past week with a nasty cold from this party, but I have no regrets. And I was hardly going to let a little thing like possibly needing medical attention stop me from going out on Friday night again! And again, I have no regrets, Orlando was a hoot! It was one of those nights that was either going to really suck, or be really awesome. It was really awesome. Well, for me. I didn't run into exes or crazy stalker ladies, though I did make a woman in the toilet intensely uncomfortable... Ah, good times, good times.

Maybe Saturn is done harassing me after all. Maybe it's time to just sit back and enjoy the sunshine.