Midsumma Madness!

Well my lovely queers and heteros, another Midsumma has come to an end. And what a girlwind it was! From spending a week in the mountains with 30+ ladies, to hitting the clubs, to checking out the shows, to pashing some girls, to making new friends, to catching up with old friends, to marching with Pride... It's been a busy month!

First of all: drama camp was AWESOME! I had such a great time and met many, many amazing women. I also got to cook some insanely delicious food and be loved and adored for it. While hanging out in the mountains. I felt like I was being spoilt! I even managed to get some quality work done on my thesis, which, as you'll remember, was the whole point of me going on this trip!

Oh, and the best part: I finally got to make use of my valid Victorian driver's licence and drive someone's car!! It seems that leaving out the whole "I've never driven on the left before" thing is key. I didn't have to drive far, and it was on a small mountain road with very little traffic. I'm so used to traffic moving from the left here now that I thought I'd be fine to drive. But I was not prepared for all the signals and gears and stuff to be on opposite sides!! It was way more disorienting than I had anticipated. BUT, I am an entirely competent driver and we made the trip without issue AND I did a fabulous job parking upon our return. I waited a couple of days before informing the owner of said car that she'd inadvertently popped my driving in Australia cherry. ;)

Like most things I do, I had no idea what I had signed on for. Our days started early and ended late. There were three of us on the kitchen crew, and hubby proved to be not only a great cook but an efficient and organised leader. He planned the meals, I just chopped what I was told to chop, stirred what I was told to stir, set out food and plates and cutlery where I was told to set them out, and grilled some sausage when I was told to grill some sausage! (I seriously hope the sausage was not completely disgusting; turns out I still can't stomach the thought of eating beef.) What I did take charge of was the clean up crews. After every meal I supervised the clean up crews as they did all the actual work of scrubbing up all the mess we'd made in the kitchen throughout the day. I had so much fun with the clean up crews that I actually started applying for work as a dishwasher when I returned to Melbourne. (Alas, a career as a dishwasher does not appear to be in the cards for me: instead I'll be doing some data entry at ARCSHS.)

I didn't know what to expect from the girls, not being from a drama background myself. The vocal warm ups freaked me out, at first, but then I got used to them and even missed the chorus of weird squawking and chanting at 9am when camp was over. The singing I did not miss so much. It took me about 4 days to get the songs out of my head!! But otherwise, I was quite delighted to find that they were all friendly and curious about my thesis (although after having the same conversation for the 20th time I may have started to wish they weren't) and good eaters! We made a lot of food and very little went to waste! I ate like a freggin' king! I mean, being on the kitchen crew, we had to make sure everything was fit to be served...and sometimes we had to check more than once, you know, just to be sure.

Girls Do Gertrude was a double bill of Gertrude Stein plays. The idea was to go away to the mountains for a week of intensive rehearsals, then come back and put the plays on. One group rehearsed downstairs in the lodge, and the other rehearsed in the space beside the kitchen. So we got quite familiar with the goings on of that particular play. With the singing, and the circles... *ahem* The second play, however, was a total mystery to me. Except, every now and then we'd hear these blood curdling screams coming from downstairs. Often the screaming came when we were reaching the breaking point of hearing Ain't We Got Fun yet again, so I wasn't entirely sure if they were related to the play or not! ;) It was actually really cool to see the play come together over the course of the week, and to know that there was this whole other play happening that I'd get to be surprised by when it was all finished.

I went to see the show last weekend, though in a funny twist of events I actually ended up at Northcote Town Hall with a couple of friends to check out another Midsumma event earlier in the week, and ran into the girls after their show. That was quite fun! Anyways, I went to see the show on Saturday and I of course had to get dressed up for it! 1920s style! I just so happened to have the perfect outfit lying around for the occasion. I even broke out the iron for it!

From what I'd seen in the rehearsal week I figured the plays were going to be good, but honestly, they were so much better than I expected! The first one, A Circular Play, was really witty and fun - and the costumes were incredible! I don't really know how to describe it, other than that it gave me a whole new appreciation for the art of acting. And directing! And the difficulty in learning the words to a song! The second play, Three Sisters Who Are Not Sisters, was amazing! It was a play repeated three times, each time a bit differently, and each time I got something different from it. It had this incredibly fun opening part where the girls were all being little kids playing and their play turns violent. It was dark and twisted, and yes, the screaming was part of the play. I have a new found appreciation for theatre after that week!

There is much more that I could update on, but I don't want to sit at my computer forever. So to do a quick summary: I have reached exciting new depths of poverty. It's been an interesting experience to have so little money to see me through the month. I've agreed to let hubby cut my hair for free, which he did last week...with his beard clippers and some kinda dull scissors. He actually did a rather amazing job, and may possibly be able to turn a small profit on offering niche market lesbian haircuts. I'm also on this exciting new diet called eating what other people give me for free! It is supplemented by another diet called eating food I can get for cheap. The health nut in my cringes at this, but the social scientist in me sees this as an interesting new experiment and is excited to see where it leads. Meanwhile, the student in me says as long as there is money for coffee and beer, I've got nothing to worry about.

I started my classes with the Women's Circus last week. That is quickly shaping up to be the most fun I have ever had, and possibly will ever have, in my life! My trainers are fantabulous, the women in my class are awesome, AND I get to learn cool tricks that involve me looking like I'm ridiculously strong. My guns aren't too shabby, but I'm not quite at llama status yet!

Now that Midsumma is over, I'm under official lock down to get my thesis over and done with! I've only got six more months to go, and a mountain to climb in that time. It can be done, but it ain't gonna be easy! I just have to keep reminding myself that the sooner I get my first draft completed, the sooner I can get the tattoo I've been planning for the past two years! I may barely be able to afford groceries, rent, or electricity, but I'm saving up my pennies for that next tattoo. There's no fucking way I'm completing that draft only to find out I don't actually have the money to afford the ink!!!

Until next time...wish me adventures!

You Know You're A Grad Student When...

Last night I had condiments for dinner.

Condiments.

I shit you not.

It wasn't even intentional, it just...happened. And I didn't even realize I was doing it until I broke into some of the more obscure condiments in my cupboard.

Yes, money is tight right now, but it's not that tight. Well, OK, it is. You see, I am not completely out but coming close to being out of groceries and as I'm about to go away to drama camp (I'll get to that) for a week, I'd like to avoid grocery shopping if I can! Last night I was down to the weird odds and ends, and I decided not to break into the nicer stuff because I had chicken in the freezer I could defrost and cook another day. All that left me with was some moldy bread that was getting to the point where I couldn't just keep cutting the moldy bits off, and tortillas. And condiments.

It started off innocently enough. I decided to throw out the moldy bread and make myself a couple of peanut butter and banana tortilla wraps. After which, I was still peckish and only had a couple of tortillas left. Surely I had something I could spread over them? I poked around my cupboard and what did I come up with? Sweet and sour sauce. It wasn't until I plopped the sweet and sour sauce onto the tortilla that the absurdity of what I was doing struck me. And no, it was not delicious. It was weird. And messy. I got sweet and sour sauce on my shirt. After that debacle I figured I must have something better in the fridge. And you know what I had a shitload of in there? Cream cheese. Yeah. I had a tortilla with sweet and sour sauce for dinner last night when I had a perfectly good container of cream cheese sitting in my fridge.

And that, my friends, is what's called thesis brain.

So, drama camp! You know how I've taken to saying yes to all sorts of random things? This would be one of those things. Clearly. Because me and the performing arts...yeah, no. You know what else is a big yeah, no for me? Food services. So guess what I'm doing on drama camp? Oh yeah!

This all came about because of Hubby. I knew about the performing arts stuff, but apparently he's got this whole food services history too. One of his friends is directing a play for Midsumma (Girls Do Gertrude, check it out) and he has been "recruited" to be the chef for their rehearsal week out in the mountains. Now, there's this weird dynamic to my relationship with Hubby where I pretty much do whatever he says. I don't understand it, but there you go. He says run a 10k, I run a 10k. He says come out clubbing, I go out clubbing. He says come out to the mountains and help me cater a drama camp, I go out to the mountains and help him cater a drama camp. It seems the only thing I've said no to was his marriage proposal. Funny side note, that makes him the only man who's marriage proposal I've actually turned down!

So after Carnival on Sunday I'll be off in the mountains with a bunch of performing arts peeps, cooking and possibly doing various other odds and ends jobs. It was suggested that if I play a musical instrument I could be in the show, but I don't think it's the kind of show where they're taking the piss out of themselves so I think my particular musical talents will go unused this time around. I am, however, open to being the Twitter bitch, and will hopefully knock out a few interesting blog entries while I'm there. Oh yeah, and like, write my third data chapter. I do remember this originally being sold to me as a free study vacation...

The Final Frontier

As those of you who have been following my blog over the past year will know, I have been on a pretty intense journey of self-transformation. There have been lots of first, lots of triumphs, and a few injuries along the way (but my stories about Greta are for another blog on another day). If through some crazy loop in the space-time continuum someone was to meet the me of now and the me of four years ago (the me excitedly preparing to blow that Popsicle stand called Calgary for a new life down under), I wonder if they would recognise us as the same person? I know I would, because I know that who I am today is who I always have been. I'm just no longer holding myself, or letting anyone else hold me, back.

I like to compare myself to Kanye West, and while he describes himself as the illest motherfucker alive, over the years I have earned my street cred as the stubbornest motherfucker alive. When I made my mind up about something, that was that! Logic played no part in this; it was sheer bloody mindedness. I will admit to you now that there were many, many, many times where I thought: "Damn, I wish I could ride a bike!", "That trout looks really yummy.", "What does steak taste like, anyways?"

The irony in all of this is that while I was so determined to hold on to these ridiculous battalions of stubbornness, because nobody could tell me what to do, I was unquestioningly living my life by the standards and expectations of other people. For instance, up until the age of 26 I'd never questioned that I would one day get married (to some guy) and have kids, even though the thought of doing so filled me with absolute terror. I still remember the exact moment when I decided that I could choose not to do those things. I could take you to the exact spot I was standing as that wave of relief hit me.

Since that moment, bit by bit, I have been calling every single thing about my 'self' into question. It was slow and cautious at first, but now I am quite used to turning my world upside down and inside out. Now when the chance for some new moment of self-discovery comes my way I just shrug and say "Why not?" After all, how can you really know yourself unless you actively explore all the possibilities of what you could be? Like just the other day, I was hungry and I wanted to know if I liked fish and chips... So I went and bought myself some fish and chips (and they were delicious)!

An interesting side note to this self-discovery business: while that mostly means saying yes to new experiences, it can just as importantly be about saying no to old experiences. Discovering what your life could be like without something or someone is a lot more challenging, but you inevitably discover so much more about yourself this way. But again, that's now what I want to talk about in this blog post.

I am notoriously known for two streaks of stubbornness: refusing to learn how to ride a bike, and refusing to eat red meat. I've discussed my bike riding in previous blogs, and I promise to give you all the full scoop on my adventures with Greta soon. But right now, I want to talk about my long lived reputation as a 'fussy eater'.

At the tender age of 3 I declared that I would not eat red meat. And that was the end of that. My family tried, repeatedly, for many years, to get me to try it. But no. My mind was made up and nothing they did was going to change it. Eventually they gave up on trying to force me and settled for subtle nagging. We all endeared many family dinners where some alternate dish was prepared for me, and some stink was made about how I refused to eat like a normal person. (I wouldn't really know about being a 'normal' person, but it sounds terribly overrated!) Interestingly, when I decided to become a vegetarian, the label of 'fussy eater' seemed to disappear. And I certainly was more adventurous in my eating as a vegetarian than I had been as a meat eater.

I was a vegetarian for 7 years. And then... I can imagine how from certain perspectives it would have looked like I was changing myself for someone else, but that was not at all what happened. My decision to become a vegetarian had always been about needing to change my lifestyle to eat healthier. It had been the right decision for a long time. But it was a decision I had also been questioning for a long time. Even before I got onto my whole fitness kick, I questioned whether vegetarianism still held any real relevance for my life. I quietly debated ending my vegetarianism for a good two years before that fateful chicken burger earlier this year. People have asked me if the transition from vegetarian to meat eater was difficult. I thought it would be, but it was not. My body was craving meat, and when I gave in to those cravings, my body was happy! I've felt great, I've had more energy, and I'm not quite as pale anymore.

What's been interesting for me is how my relationship to meat has changed. Before I became a vegetarian, I was very finicky about what meat I would and would not eat. I didn't like handling meat, and if I didn't know for sure what I was eating, chances were, I wasn't going to eat it. When I started eating meat again, I was finicky at first. But I asked myself why, and realised it was out of habit and not actually out of any sort of queasiness about eating meat.

You see, pre-vegetarianism eating meat was not something I had chosen to do; it was simply the assumed default position (much like heterosexuality). When I decided to start eating meat again after 7 years of vegetarianism, it was a very conscious choice. I was choosing to eat animals. I was choosing to eat the flesh of another living creature. I was OK with this. So why would chopping raw meat bother me? Why would a vein gross me out? When I thought about it like that, it stopped bothering me.

Which then got me thinking... what's my beef with beef?

I know that when I was 3 I declared that I did not like the taste of red meat, but that was 26 years ago and well, a lot has changed!! I wanted to try red meat, but was not willing to purchase it on my own in case I actually didn't like it (after all, I am still a broke ass student). Then on Friday, the opportunity presented itself and I pounced!

It was a friend's birthday, and a bunch of us went out for dinner at a rather delightful pan-Asian restaurant called Rice Queen. Being a broke ass student, I have not actually gone out for dinner at many restaurants in Melbourne. Rice Queen made me realize that I will need to remedy this the moment I have a real income. It was just such a cool place, with amazing cocktails and great food. We ordered entrees to share, one of which was duck pancakes. Pre-vegetarianism, duck was on my long list of meats I didn't eat. From what I'd heard about it, it didn't sound like the most appetising of meats. But there it was, and there I was. So I made myself a duck pancake and you know what? It was pretty tasty! It wouldn't be my first choice, but if someone was serving something with duck in it, I would give it a go.

When it came time to order mains, I was flummoxed. I wanted to order the Vietnamese salad, which you could get with beef or tofu. I wanted to try beef, but I wanted to order the tofu. And then... one of the other women said she was contemplating the beef salad. So I proposed a trade: she order the beef, I order the tofu, and we do a swap. She accepted!

And so, for the first time in 26 years...

I. Ate. Beef.

As you can probably tell from the look on my face, I didn't love it. But, I didn't hate it either. When it first hit my mouth, I thought it was quite good. But then it was a bit grizzly and kind of bland. Which is exactly how I remember beef tasting from those occasions when some would get slipped into my food. I don't foresee me ordering any steaks in the near future, but, I am willing to give beef in other varieties a go. I also want to try other kinds of red meat, particularly kangaroo. If I happen to like the taste of kangaroo, it would be easy to integrate into my diet. I definitely like the idea of eating a wild animal that exists in abundance more than an animal that is farmed (and over bred) specifically for food. The beef industry does not sit well with me, and I don't imagine that's going to change any time soon, even if I do suddenly really start liking the taste of beef.

So there you have it. I finally ate beef. That last battalion of stubbornness has been torn down!

Little Fishies

It's been awhile since I updated my blog, which isn't intentional. I've just been busy and my internet at home is slow and painful to use. I'm not sure if the problem is my internet connection, my apartment building, or my computer. I'm hoping it's my computer because a shiny new one is on it's way into my life. I'm so excited about being able to see my computer screen again! I've completely forgotten what that's like.

The past few weeks have been muffin, cake, chips and ice cream heavy, and I have felt the effects of this. My slow but steady weight loss did a 180 and the numbers on the scale went up instead of down. While I would like to live a life where going up 1kg is not a big deal, I am still a long ways from my goal weight and going up 1kg is a sign that I've gone off track.

So it's been out with the junk food and into the pool for me. No more of this "oh, it's raining, I don't wanna go to yoga" business either! Discipline is an admirable thing to have in ones life and I must return to my idol, Lady Gaga, for inspiration in getting back on track. (Also, Janelle Monae, why on earth has my brother not told me about her?!) Lady Cop and I have entered into a gentle woman's accord to achieve our various fitness goals, and I have every intention of schooling her ass.

My aim is to lose 18kg in 7 months. This year I have lost at least 10kg, and that was only by moderately increasing my exercise. I have been making subtle changes to my diet more recently, and now I will need to be much more disciplined about what I eat. Also, I need to up my time at the pool from 3-4 times a week to 4-5 times a week. And I need to push myself harder at the pool.

At the moment, I swim 50 laps or 1.5km and I can do this in 42-43 minutes. Currently, I am trying to get my time down to 40 minutes. This is proving to be more challenging than I initially anticipated. It is requiring me to really build up my muscles. Which brings me to my diet...

After 6.5 years of dedicated vegetarianism, I have decided to start eating fish. I know, I know! It is shocking. I've only told a couple people at my office about this, as vegetarianism is pretty much the norm here. Today at lunch when I 'came out', one colleague said "...are you still queer?" (Yes, obviously! I haven't gone completely mad!)

I didn't eat fish before becoming a vegetarian, so this is no small decision. I was not getting enough protein to build up and maintain my muscles so a change of diet was required. Ultimately, my decision to turn to vegetarianism was for health reasons, and taking stock of my current situation, eating fish was the healithiest option to increasing my protein and maintaining a balanced diet. I felt sad and kinda sick the first time I ate it, but, then I had to admit to myself that it was really quite tasty.

Actually, if I can be really naughty, I'm even more excited about Christmas in Hawaii now. All those trips to the Indian Ocean when I said no the what looked like the most amazingly delicious fish dishes... Like hell I'm gonna sit on an island in the middle of the Pacific and turn down some Humuhumunukunukuapuaa now!

Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins

As you probably know by now, I am world renowned for my muffin baking skillz. Over the past couple of years I have been expertly honing my skills and becoming more and more adventurous in my flavour combinations. I have taken to keeping muffins in my freezer so I have something to snack on and it was time to restock. Also, I had promised to make Lady Cop some muffins, either for her birthday or a incredibly awesome date we have planned. On top of that, we're having a bring a plate lunch at uni to celebrate the end of office construction.

I had asked Lady Cop about her muffin preference, to which she said 'chocolate', and after I refused to make straight up chocolate muffins, she conceded that blueberry would also be acceptable. I'm not the biggest fan of blueberry muffins, and the combination of blueberry and chocolate just wasn't doing it for me. I mulled over it for a couple days, and on a trip to the Queen Vic Market the answer came to me: pistachios! I ran the idea past a couple women at my campus, who both thought it sounded divine, that I was crazy for poo pooing chocolate and blueberries, and that a yogurt based batter would really even out the flavours. And so a new flavour concoction was born!

Yesterday I set to work making what turned out to be some especially lovely muffins! And since I know you're all just itching to know my secrets, I'm gonna share the recipe with you!!! Please note, I tend to eyeball things and I can't promise you will have the same result as me. Also, I am aware I am listing things half in metric and half in US measurements.

Chocolate Blueberry Pistachio Muffins

Ingredients
250g flour
150g brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp cinnamon
75g pistachios, chopped
1 egg, beaten
50g butter, melted
250g yogurt

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup milk

250g blueberries (I used frozen)

100g dark chocolate, chopped

Instructions

Preheat oven to 200 C, I pop the butter in while the oven is warming up to melt it.

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and pistachios.

In a separate bowl, mix together the egg, butter, yogurt, and milk.

Then pour the yogurt mixture over the dry ingredients, and add the blueberries and chocolate at the same time. Stir together only mixing until just combined.

The batter turns this horrible grayish purple colour, but it's OK! They won't stay that colour once they're baked.

Spoon into muffin cases (I'm not sure how many muffins you'll end up with, if you make smaller ones, you could probably get 2 dozen) filing each case about 2/3 full. I like to line the casings with melted butter and a dusting of flour to prevent the muffins from sticking. I think those paper liners are stupid and encourage you not to use them.

Bake at 200 C for 20-30 minutes or until firm and springy to the touch. I found they needed about 30 minutes, but that could just be my oven. Also, I'm not used to cooking with yogurt and the first batch I made, which I baked for 25 minutes, are on the soggy side. You don't want to burn the muffins, but a golden top is fine.

See? Look at that colour transformation! They don't stay green either.

When finished baking, cool in the cases or on a wire rack (or, as I do, on a plate).

Ta Da! I found these muffins to have a lovely subtlety of flavour to them. I should note that I used less chocolate and pistachio than in the list of ingredients I've listed. I listed higher amounts because I was just guessing at how much I'd need when I made these muffins, and I think the subtlety will still be there with just a bit more chocolate and pistachio to spread around.

Feel free to give this recipe a go, and make whatever changes to it you'd like. I am a huge fan of experimenting in the kitchen, so go nuts!!!

Thanksgiving

This past weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving on account of it being a holiday that glorifies colonialism and the slaughtering of turkeys (I would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving had it not been for Facebook) but this year, in spite of myself, I had a mini Thanksgiving celebration.

As previously mentioned, I have recently started seeing someone, who will henceforth be referred to as Lady Cop (on account of her being a lady cop and a really bad Lil Wayne song, though I'm not sure there is such a thing as a good Lil Wayne song...) and on Monday I cooked dinner for her and my flatmate. I am a vegetarian of over 6 years; Lady Cop is not. I made us a lovely vegetable and tofu stir fry, and she informed me that prior to coming over to dinner, she had eaten some meat. You know, just in case. It's a good thing neither of us takes ourselves all that seriously!

This was just intended to be a cheap date night, it wasn't meant to have any connection to Thanksgiving at all. There certainly wasn't any pumpkin pie, which, in Australia is an entirely different - and better - thing than in North America. But as I was in the kitchen serving up dinner and Lady Cop was interrogating my flatmate, who was becoming increasingly flustered and distressed (which made me chuckle because I totally fell for Lady Cop when she interrogated me), Thanksgiving just happened. And not the Thanksgiving that I'm used to, which generally filled me with anxiety and dread, but the Hallmark Thanksgiving - the kind that can never be achieved by trying to manufacture it.

This new relationship with Lady Cop, it's different from my previous relationships. Or rather, I'm different than in my previous relationships. In my life in general (not just relationships) I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about the future, because the future is a fantasy and can hold all the potential you want it to when the present isn't so great. I don't find myself day dreaming about the future much at all these days. I used to be so preoccupied with how much better things would be in the future that I really turned a blind eye to the reality of the present. That changed when my last relationship ended and my ideas about how the future would be once again came crashing down and I was forced to deal with the present. Enough had shifted in me that when this happened, I actually wanted to deal with the present; I didn't want to just escape into another fantasy about what my future could be.

I don't actually think about the future very much at all these days. Generally when I do think about it, it's in terms of, "Oh fuck, what am I going to do when I finish my PhD?" I like where my life is at the moment, and I am really enjoying just seeing where the path that I'm on leads me. A big part of why I'm so content with sticking to the present is that my present is very much characterised by change. I am in transition, and that is my favourite place to be.

Going back to my relationship with Lady Cop, what's been different is that it's really developing quite naturally and organically. It's just happening on it's own accord and we're both going along with it and seeing where it leads. Neither of us knows where that will be. It doesn't matter, really. What matters is that right now we are happy and right now things are good. We'll deal with the future and whatever it holds as it comes to us. 

This Thanksgiving, I know what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to be in a place in my life where I can have a beautiful Thanksgiving with people I care about, without the turkey and the pumpkin pie. I am thankful for Lady Cop and all her ridiculousness (but especially her ridiculous accent). And I am especially thankful for those 3 people who got picked to be transferred out to the country instead of Lady Cop, so that our relationship can continue on it's journey, naturally and organically, whatever that may be.

Night Cheese No More

For a long time, this was me:



I've put in some long, hard hours workin' on my night cheese. And the night cheese had been workin' hard at me! It seemed such a simple pleasure, coming home after a long day to a nice block of cheese. But, it wasn't doing me any good and after awhile, I couldn't deny it anymore: I needed to quit the night cheese.

So, I started to ween myself down on the cheese, and last week when I finished the last of my block, I decided to declare my apartment a cheese-free zone. I had previously done this with chocolate, so I knew there would be some crazy withdrawal, and that the method is effective.

The withdrawal has not been as crazy as it was with chocolate (everything did not turn into cheese when I went to the grocery store this time), but it is pretty strong. I decided to get myself some olives, since they have that same salty taste but are a much healthier option. That has helped, and I haven't developed a crazy olive habit like I thought I might.

My rule is not that I cannot eat cheese (or chocolate), but that I cannot keep it in the house. When I did this with chocolate, the result was that I'd get myself a piece of cake or a cookie or something when I was out to satisfy the craving (I've moved on from that now, kind of). So I figured that whenever I went out I'd be all over the cheesey snacks. But that hasn't been the case. Thursday evening I took advantage of some cheesey snacks, but I honestly did not find them particularly satisfying. Friday I was considering getting a cheesey lunch, but found myself craving a hearty grilled vegetable salad instead.

Turns out, kicking cheese to the curb has really started to change the way I eat, particularly with regard to carbs. My quick and easy food fixes were often things like pasta with cheese, rice with cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, or just straight up cheese. Without cheese in the house, I have to pause and think about what it is I'm going to eat, leaving me with the options to make something decidedly healthier, or not eat.

And I've really noticed the difference already! I feel a lot better, healthier. I still crave the cheese, but, it seems to be more of a mental addiction than a physical one (chocolate is much more physical). I feel like I've taken a really positive step forward.

And you know what else? This morning I decided to see how I'm going with my slow, steady, sustainable weight loss. I hadn't weighed myself since my birthday and I wasn't expecting to find much difference. I had set myself a target weight to get down to, with the promise to myself that I would never allow myself to get over that weight again. And today, officially, I have reached that weight! And that feels fan-bloody-tastic!

Holiday Chilli!

I was never a big fan of meat and haven't ever been a red meat eater. This meant that growing up, generally there was some separate meal made for me. So when I became a vegetarian, I didn't think it would be all that big a deal for my family. Turns out removing chicken (and occassionally ham and turkey) from my diet really threw them a curve ball. I found this most perplexing, as I wasn't having any troubles cooking meat-free meals for myself. For awhile at my Dad's house my vegetarianism was met with veggie dogs, and on one particularly memorable Thanksgiving, an unopened can of kidney beans.

Being handed an unopened can of beans and told to make myself something, minutes before the extended family all sat down to an ellaborate dinner that the entire kitchen facilities were occupied to make, was a wake up call that they weren't going to get this vegetarian cooking business without some direction. So from my vegetarian cook book I picked out a chilli that looked quite yummy and handed over the recipe to my Dad.

From then on, any sort of big family get together was accompanied by this chilli. For years this chilli was synonymous with Christmas for me. It's a yummy chilli, but I don't think many other people integrated it into their holiday dinner experiece. I wonder if they still make it now that I've moved overseas? I'll have to ask.

I'm a bit embarassed to admit that although I've eatten this chilli many, many times, I had never made it before. Not once, in my thus far 6 years of vegetarianism have I actually prepared this chilli for myself! Not even when faced with celebrating Christmas without my family (though, chilli isn't really a summer dish). So finally, FINALLY, today I cooked up some holiday chilli! The result?

Delicious! It's cooked quite slowly, so takes a long time to make. But the preparation time was not nearly as consuming as I imagined it to be (probably because I just used canned beans instead of dried ones like my Dad). And for my efforts I've got 4 delicious chilli meals to look forward to - or 3, since I had it for dinner tonight. I'm going to have to stop cooking and start using up all this food that I've made! Our freezer is getting pretty full!

And on a totally unrelated note...

I know how I'd react if I came across 2 or more people fighting, having had the opportunity to witness a stabbing last summer (and even though I said 911 I dialed 000). But what do you do when you encounter a gang of rainbow lorikeets trying to rip each other's throats out?

Maybe they were mating? (Maybe it's almost spring?? Please??) It's often hard to tell, I think, with most creatures, if their intents are reproductive or violent. It makes me glad I'm gay!

Maybe Not Masterchef Quality But...

Since moving into my "swank" new apartment I've been feeling the impetus for change particularly strongly. I'm pretty much always up for change, but lately I'm more up for major life overhauls. Because my new inner city lifestyle costs a pretty inner city penny one of the changes I have to make whether I want to or not is lunch. Since my office is basically in food Mecca I generally buy my lunch. But if I continue to do that, I'll be spending a lot of evenings and weekends at home! So it's back to the kitchen for me.

I pretty much always cook dinner, but I don't always put effort into it, and I don't always save some for lunch the next day. This is one of the things I am changing. Now I am cooking big, yummy, healthy dinners and rationing off smaller portions to take in for my lunch. (This is the long awaited change to my eatting habits in the healthier lifestyle grand plan. The excersize phase has already been well implemented.) It's exciting because it means I get to be creative in the kitchen and it's forcing me to do more than just whack on some pasta when I get home. Especially since part of this new plan is to cut back on the carbs.

I plan to make chili tomorrow, so today I headed across the street to the Vic Market (seriously, food Mecca!) to pick up my organic veggies for the chili. It struck me that at the moment I mostly have odds and ends for food and I was faced with the dilemma of what to do for dinner tonight. After wandering around in a cirlcle a few times going "uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh uuuuummmmmmmmmm" I decided to get creative and mostly use what I already had. I picked up some spinach and rocket and decided to make a roast vegetable and tofu sausage salad.

The result? I was pretty impressed! I fried up my pumpkin with a dollop of allspice, then added some eggplant. I put in the spinach, and a splash of balsamic vinegar, then tossed in the rocket and finally, a bit of pear. I cooked 4 tofu sausages separetly with a bit of balsamic vinegar. The end result, to me, evoked a grown-up version of mac & cheese with hotdogs and ketchup. It was delicious, nutrious, filling, and even presented nice! Though not a dish that allows for left overs, definitely something I will keep in mind for future dinner experiments.