Queer Aesthetics

You know when you're trying to write about one thing, but you've got something else boiling under your skin? Yeah, that's what's happening with me at the moment. I'm trying to finish my final data chapter (!!!) but there's something else that is on my mind: aesthetics - and particularly lesbian/queer aesthetics.

This has been something I've been pondering for awhile, especially over the last six months, as I've come to the end of (or rather a pause in) a massive physical transformation and have been quite actively exploring what it means for me to be single and gay, and where I situate myself within the queer community.

To contextualise this: I only realised I was gay about 2 years ago, after breaking up with my first girlfriend. Since then, I have lost around 30kg. This was the result of a very intensive campaign to get fit and improve my health; it was never about being thin (something I have no desire to be). I have talked about my weight loss a lot on this blog, and I don't want to get into it again here. All that needs to be said about it here is that I reached a point where I was happy with my body, sick of spending all my time exercising, and annoyed that my clothes never fit me for more than a couple of months (that's all well and good when you can afford to buy new ones; I can't!); so my body transformation project has been put on the back burner for the time being. Over the past, erm, 8 months I've also been figuring out - for the first time - what it means to me to be gay and single. When I first came out I felt like my sexuality was contingent upon my relationship status. It wasn't until Lady Cop and I broke up (for the final time) that I started to explore life as a single lesbian; in a nutshell it's AWESOME!

When I first started dating women, I was quite insecure with myself, particularly about my appearance. Coming from heteroland, I felt that I did not have enough beauty capital to attract the kind of man I was attracted to, and I did not know if those same beauty dynamics would transfer over into the lesbian community. How would other women engage with my body, and how would I engage with their bodies? It has been completely fascinating for me to observe and experience a variety of queer aesthetics. Heteronormative beauty standards do not hold the same influence within the queer community - though they are not completely absent either - and while I have found that incredibly liberating, I have also discovered that queer aesthetics can be quite difficult to navigate.

For me, aesthetics are extremely important. They are important because they are about how I represent myself to others, and about how I interpret others. I think it's also really important to differentiate between aesthetics and looks/attractiveness, because while they are related, they are not the same things. I understand looks/attractiveness to be about how one measures up to some external standard of beauty. Looks/attractiveness is often quite a disempowering framework because it is quite narrowly defined, is always about comparison and conformity, and its standards are nearly impossible for most people to obtain. I understand aesthetics to be about how one expresses one's individuality. I would say that it involves developing a stylized version of one's self, though technically such a stylization could involve completely disengaging from the dictates of the fashion and beauty industries.

The reason I believe aesthetics are so important is because of their link to desire. And this is precisely why I find myself so fascinated by queer aesthetics; because they signal queer desire - often in complex and messy ways. Our aesthetic practices (generally) signal something about our personality to others: wearing gym clothes tells people you are interested in fitness; wearing a suit is a sign of power; high heels are a sign of femininity; and asymmetrical haircuts are, apparently, a sign of living in Melbourne's inner north. Queer aesthetics complicates this, because queer culture is about challenging binaries and finding new ways of being. Queer culture is further challenged by the fact that not everyone in the gay community is queer. This has meant, for me, that sometimes I am misread.

I suppose that being misread is part of the parcel of being queer; not everyone is going to get it and that is, after all, the point. Why I struggle with being misread is because I misread myself for so much of my life. Being heterosexual was an identity that never sat comfortably with me and ultimately made me very unhappy; I am eager to distance myself from it in as many ways as I can. I spent far too long passing for a heterosexual; I want my body to signal to myself - as much as to anyone else - that that is not who or what I am.

Since coming out, I have sought to make myself visibly 'queer'. Many of you are familiar with my quest to achieve appropriately 'lesbian' hair: in an effort to make my gayness immediately obvious, I have shaved off most of my hair. My hair certainly signals to the right people that I am gay, and as I joked before, that I live in the inner north. I have this desire to achieve an aesthetic that is unmistakeably queer; an aesthetic that is not linked to clothing, but is of my body. Tattoos are good for this, though  even the visible and aggressive ones have been appropriated by certain heterosexual aesthetics. At the moment I am experimenting with being a hairy lesbian, since body hair seems to be something straight women shy away from. The problem there is that I am ridiculously blonde, so even after months of growth my body hair is not immediately visible.

The reason that I, at times, am misread within the gay community is because there is a disconnect between what my aesthetic says about me, and how I actually am. You see, I like to wear dresses. I always have, and I reckon I always will. But I am not now, nor have I ever been, a 'girly girl'. If I had to sum myself up in four words, I'd probably go with: wears dresses, throws punches. The picture of me at my 4th birthday that I have on this blog I think demonstrates this divide nicely. Because of this, people often tell me that I should go for the rockabilly look. And while it's true that this style suits me remarkably well - it is a style that celebrates the hourglass figure - there are three reasons why I am not taking on a full time rockabilly aesthetic:

1. I have 'commitment issues'. I do not not want to be boxed in to any one way of being. I would get extremely bored if I only ever expressed myself in one particular way. Besides, my personality is far too all over the place to be contained by any one aesthetic.
2. The best thing about being poor has been that it's forced me to breakup with consumerism. I am a recovering shopaholic. I have found it so liberating to not be concerned about wearing the flashest clothes, and have found it incredibly empowering to experiment with fashion I can afford. As it turns out, if you wear your clothes well, it really doesn't matter that they came from Kmart and Savers.
3. While I enjoy the rockabilly aesthetic, I feel no particular connection to rockabilly culture. Largely because, from the outside looking in, rockabilly feels quite heteronormative to me. I know that there is a huge queer engagement with rockabilly, but, it strikes me as often reproducing the butch/femme dichotomy, which is something that I personally do not want to engage with. I consider my personality to be quite masculine, and while there is room for that within the rockabilly femme aesthetic, I don't know, it just doesn't sit well with me. Maybe that's unfair. It's based on a personal experience I had with a woman who - I think - expected me to act femme when I dressed femme. Which just made me want to act incredibly butch. Which made her not want to talk to me anymore. There's good reason for why I have a rep at my office for topping from the bottom!! Maybe I just need to come with a disclaimer...

Embodying a queer aesthetic is something of a moving target. What it means to be queer changes over time; what it means to me to be queer has changed over time. Which aesthetics are appropriated by the queer community change, and are gradually reappropriated by the hetero community (cuz we're the cool trend setters that move society forward). There is no permanence to queer aesthetics; it is always read as queer because of how it is situated within a particular socio-historical context. For instance, my struggle to have my personal aesthetics reconciled with my queer desires may be specific to the Melbourne scene. I wonder if I would still be read as femme if I was in Calgary, where there is a much more conservative aesthetic culture? I suppose in a few months I will find out!

Queer aesthetics are about pushing the boundaries of existing ways of being, and opening up space to become something new. Doing so involves inhabiting spaces where, as Cressida Heyes described it, one is - to some extent - unintelligible to others. I have not quite worked out how to signal my desires through my aesthetic: I am a masculine woman with feminine aesthetics who desires masculine women with masculine aesthetics. But this is part of the fun of being single: I get to experiment with my aesthetics and see who responds and how.

body love

And while it would be nice to have my self and my desires read correctly through my aesthetics, I find that having conversations with people tends to clear up any misinterpretations that may occur (if only everyone was as open to having such conversations as I am)! Besides, even if there was some aesthetic that did signal exactly who I am and what I want, desire is much too fluid to stay in any one place forever so any successfully occupied aesthetic is always going to be temporary anyways. Thank goodness I am finally happy just being me!

The Pay Off

I am a woman with many guilty pleasures when it comes to TV, and the Biggest Loser Australia is one such pleasure. I'd watched a bit of it here and there, but last year I got into it in a big way. The timing was perfect because I was in a place where I wanted to lose weight, and watching the contestants on this show transform did actually inspire me to make a real effort myself.

I was quite excited when this year's competition started up, having come far enough in my weight loss journey to not be fat enough for the show. When it started there was a contested, Lara, who's starting weight was the same as mine when I began keeping track of my own weight loss: 107kg. (I don't know how much I weighed at my heaviest, I'd guess about 112kg.) As the competition got underway I thought to myself "OK, let's see how this Lara chick does, and I can use her weight loss as a goal for myself."

If you're not familiar with the Biggest Loser, the way they go about losing weight is completely insane. They go from being morbidly obese and very sedentary to training upwards of 8 hours per day. One of the things I really dislike about this show is the contestants diets when they are in the Biggest Loser camp. The show has a lot of corporate sponsorships from various food companies, so, guess what the participants are told to eat? And it gets worse. In order for them to actually get really dramatic results and make the show interesting, they are made to hate their fat selves.

Now, there's a lot of fat-hate out there, and, of course, there's also a fat-acceptance movement. While I don't think that there is anything acceptable about fat-hate, I'm wary of fat-acceptance. I have yet to meet someone who was significantly overweight and also truly, genuinely happy with themselves. Is this because the media tells us to hate on any itty bitty imperfection we have? Sure, that doesn't help matters, but it can't all be blamed on the media. I think that every person with a 'weight problem' (and I am not going to define what that may be) has some personal demon, or potentially many personal demons, that need to be dealt with. If these demons aren't dealt with, I don't think the weight will ever stay off. And hating on your fat self is not going to make those demons go away; it's just adding some new ones into the mix.

Lara proved to be incredibly driven. By the second or third week she had lost more weight than I have in a year. By the time she was eliminated she was down to I think 72kg and wearing a size 10. The thing was, by the time she was eliminated, my flatmate and I had been screaming at the TV for weeks that she needed to go. Sure she looked great, but she had gotten herself into a really fucked up head space and remaining in the competition was doing her more damage than good. She hadn't dealt with her demons at all. Instead, she had just worked her ass off to get as skinny as she could, and lost perspective along the way. She had absolutely no confidence in her ability to keep the weight off outside of the Biggest Loser camp, and that, to me, was the biggest reason she needed to get out: to prove herself wrong and FINALLY deal with whatever her fat demons were. I'm curious to see how she's gone outside the camp, but the finale is still a few weeks away.

Watching Lara made me so incredibly glad that I have not done something drastic to lose the weight. My goals have been small and achievable. They take time, perseverance, and a lot of hard work to achieve, but I continue to achieve them. I have built so much more confidence in myself on my journey because I have done it on my own. I have gone from being an obese, sedentary person to being an overweight, athletic person. And in time, I will be, simply, an athletic person. I currently weigh 89kg, and I think my ideal weight will be between 70-75kg. Though, as I am actually more interested in building muscle than just losing fat, those numbers are really just a guesstimate.

I have never understood the obsession with being a size 8 (I doubt my skeleton would actually fit into a pair of size 8 jeans). I remember the sizes I was wearing in high school, when I was around (or under) 70kg. I was usually a size L, a size 14. That suits me just fine. I don't want to shop in the plus size section anymore. I want to be able to go into regular stores and buy jeans that fit me. I do not care if I am buying the largest size jeans the stores carry; provided they actually look good on me. I want to be able to purchase the funky tights I see in so many stores and know that they are actually going to fit me when I get them home.

Going through my wardrobe, I have to admit to myself that the majority of my clothes are actually way too big for me. As I've said many times, I cannot afford to just buy myself a new wardrobe. But every now and then I take stock of what I've got and what I need, and I make some strategic purchases. This morning I headed into the city on what I thought would be an impossible mission: to find a structured skirt in a shade of brown for around $60.

I decided to go to Burke St mall and check out the newly renovated Myer first, and branch out from there. I've always headed straight to the plus size section at Myer, but this time I decided to give the regular women's section a go first. I had almost completed my walk through and was about to head up to the plus size section when I saw it: the perfect skirt. Figuring "what the hell," I grabbed it in an L and XL, then wandered around and picked up a few other things to try on just for fun, including a less perfect size 16 skirt.

I tried on the XL skirt first, and it was, in fact, perfect. But at $80 it was also a bit more than what I had wanted to spend. I didn't want to spend much on a skirt because I am still losing weight, and it's really frustrating to spend my very limited funds on something awesome when soon it too will be too big. So again, I figured "what the hell," and I tried on the L. And it fit! It is a bit tight, but it's completely wearable and will actually look even better in a few kilos time! Well worth the $80.

I knew I wasn't going to buy any of the other items I'd brought into the change room with me, but I enjoy playing dress-up so I tried them on anyways. And much to my surprise, the size 16 skirt was actually too big! Now, I suspect this is more a case of 'generous sizing' than my actual weight loss, but it felt amazing to know that I don't have to go straight for the plus-sizes anymore! So amazing, in fact, that I went out and bought myself two pairs of funky tights. And sure, when I got home I discovered that one of them doesn't fit, but I also discovered that the tights from last year's epic wardrobe fail now fit me just fine. It's those pay offs that I love the most: fitting into the clothes that were too small, discovering I actually can walk in my heels, watching successive pairs of my skinny jeans become my fat jeans.

My weight loss journey may be taking a lot of time, but look at how that worked out for the tortoise.

All The Singlet Ladies

As we enter March, Melbourne's summer-that-wasn't is quickly moving into autumn. The weather is cooling down and it's time for me to start digging out the warmer clothes. I have to admit, I'm enjoying the cool change. Sure, as the long winter months wear on I'll probably be lamenting about how much I miss the heat and the intensity of the summer sun, but autumn I love. The sun is still shining, but it's cool enough to break out the layers and start getting creative with clothes again. And I can actually sleep at night without feeling like I will spontaneously combust!

Another reason that I'm excited about autumn is that a good deal of my summer clothes are now much too big for me, and I am really looking forward to purging them from my wardrobe. When I started losing weight last year, I made a decision that at the end of each season I could get rid of all the clothes that were too big for me. I have to wait until the end of the season though as I cannot exactly afford to buy a new wardrobe right now! (And yes, yes, we're all aware that I recently splurged on a killer red dress. But that was perfectly justifiable under style tip #5.) My end-of-season plan is slightly flawed though, in that I've now lost 17kgs since last autumn, and the clothes that were starting to be a bit loose on me last year I'll be swimming in now. I may be pretty limited on the 'in with the new' front, but it's certainly time for 'out with the old'!!!

I am a recovering shopoholic with a huge tendency to look at my overflowing wardrobe and declare that I have nothing to wear. But, having lost 17kgs, I'm also really freggin' tired of hiding my new, fitter figure under draping, gaping clothes. I want a new, structured, harder-edged look this year. But, I'm also hoping to have dropped another 15kgs (or so) by this time next year, so there is certainly something to be said for investing in belts and dealing with the excess fabric for the time being. It's a delicate procedure, purging my wardrobe whilst maintaining enough clothing options for me not to go off the deep end and into some hardcore retail therapy. I envision the coming months involving a lot of tights, skirts, and layering! Any new pieces will either be seriously cheap, or have serious long term potential! In other words, 'tis the season for cardigans.
And when it comes to layering, there's one thing a girl should never be without!

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #8: A Singlet Is A Girl's Best Friend

Singlets (or tank tops or camisoles if you prefer) are an absolute wardrobe essential. Versatile, functional, sexy; is there anything the singlet can't do? They show off your arms, back, and decolletage. They can be dressed up or down. They can be worn on their own in warm weather, and paired up with jumpers or jackets in cooler weather. They can provide that extra bit of coverage to a too low cut top (yes, there is such a thing) while still providing sex appeal. Worn under a top, they can smooth out bumps and wrinkles. And if Lady Cop is to be believed, when worn to Bunnings Warehouse (the Australian version of Canadian Tire for the folks back home), they can improve your customer service experience.

Seriously ladies. Fuck diamonds, go get yourself some singlets!

Nature vs Maybelline

We all know the slogan: Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline. It's the battle cry that plagues the lifes of women the world over: you are not perfect as you are, but you could be perfect if you just purchased the right combination of products. Only, as we soon find out if we go down that path, the more you buy into this idea of obtaining perfection, the harder perfection is to obtain.

I recently heard a quote that really ressonated with me: Don't sacrifice the good for the sake of the perfect. It's the kind of quote I'm tempted to get tattooed to my forehead because it's just such a simple reminder that we can lose something quite good by chasing after the illusiveness of perfection. I think it is especially important to remind ourselves of this with Christmas looming around the corner.

While this idea of trying to achieve perfection can be applied to any aspect of life, I'd like to look at how it applies to appearance, and particularly, make-up.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #7: A Little Make-Up Goes A Long Way

I think it's pretty common for girls and women to go through phases of piling on the make-up. Certainly the way the media presents celebrities it's easy to think that the only way to look good is to pile it on. Ladies, we have been lied to. Sure, there are times when piling on heaps of make-up is the sensible thing to do. Like when we're performing on a stage, or just want to present a dramatic side of ourselves. But I highly doubt this is when any woman looks her absolute best.

The thing is, most women look best with just a touch of make-up. Because this is the thing about make-up: it is meant to accentuate what we've already got. When we wear just a little bit of make-up to accentuate our best feature, then it really allows our natural beauty to shine through. When we wear a lot of make-up, even if it is accentuating our best feature(s), in hides the natural beauty and instead shows a mask. Also, putting on a lot of make-up tends to make one look, well, like everyone else. Because you stop seeing the person underneith the make-up. Take, for example:

Undoubtedly, I do look good. I have foundation, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and possibly some blush on in this picture. I was going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and wanted to get dressed up for the occassion (I was arguably over dressed, but better over than under). But when I look at this picture, I don't see me, I see my make-up. And while I like my make-up in this picture, I also think it hides me away. Whereas:

I am actually only wearing mascara in this picture. It draws attention to my eyes, but not so much that you lose sight of the rest of me. But by subtly drawing the attention to my eyes, it draws attention away from little blemishes. Finally:

Take away the mascara and all that's left is me. Sure, I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn good.

Let the Awesomeness Begin!

Do you know what today is cats and kittens? Today is the start of my favourite season in Melbourne: the Suzuki Night Market! This market brings together pretty much all of Melbourne's funkiest market vendors, along with really awesome food and drink* right outside my office every Wednesday evening from now until the beginning of March. This was one of the first things I discovered about Melbourne when I moved here in Feb '08. Unfortunately, I discovered it at the end of the market season and had to wait 8 months before I could really experience the full awesomeness of the Night Market. My tradition is to go every Wednesday. This usually lasts until after Christmas, when my fanatical obsession suddenly seems to die away, along with the funds in my bank account.

I'm extra excited about this year's Night Market because of all the weight I've lost this year. My shopping options should be greatly increased! Though after putting on 1kg I've said I can't buy any new clothes until I lose 2kg, and as this has not yet happened, tonight I will be looking with my eyes, not my wallet.

But given that most of my clothes are now too big for me, I am looking forward to stocking up on some funky summer threads over the coming months, and this has gotten my thinking...

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #6: Experiment!

As the years have gone by, I've developed a certain way of dressing and quite frankly sometimes I bore myself. My funkier outfits, the ones that get me noticed, are not what I wear on a day-to-day basis, mostly because I cannot be bothered. But now that I am faced with having to slowly clear out all my old clothes and get new ones, I'm starting to give more thought to how I want to dress. Also, being on a budget means that I'm not just wandering into a store and picking up random things and seeing which ones stand the test of time anymore. Gone are the days of unjustified clothes shopping!

So knowing how I like to dress and what I've already got in my wardrobe, my mission as I seek out new additions is to try new things. I have a tendency to stick to what I know is practical instead of branching out and experimenting. I want to create a wardrobe that has a lot more versatility and creativity in it.

I also want to stop hording accessories that I never use! I went through this phase of being really into scarfs, and I amassed heaps of them. But at some point I stopped wearing them (though it took me awhile to catch up on the stop buying them front). I do like my scarfs, and many of them signal emotional connections to a certain time in my life. But I rarely wear them. Is that a side of me that I have moved on from? Or is it time for a scarf revival? This is one of the things I intent to experiment with and find out! The same applies to my collection of broaches, bangles, earrings and necklaces. So watch out for some retro revivals from the hidden depths of my accessory collections as I engage in some summer wardrobe experimentation!
*I can't personally vouch for the drink, aside from the Lemonade Stand, which was a massive let down...and what's up with the ban on photography?! What on earth makes them so special? Apparently the sangria is really great though.

Ladies, it's time to FROCK UP!

I don't really understand people who say spring is their favourite season. Maybe in some cities spring actually exists as a season, but that doesn't seem to be the case in Melbourne. Spring in Melbourne is more like rapidly flipping through before and after shots of a fad diet. Here's what winter looked like, here's what summer has in store. Having already lived through winter, I am well aware of what it looked like and quite frankly no longer give a fuck. Bring on the sunshine and heat stroke baby!

I feel like a kid in a candy store on the 'summer preview' days of Melbourne's spring. Or perhaps a lolly shop, since I'm in Australia and all. Today is one of those beautiful, warm, sunny days that leaves me with no desire to be indoors. And you know what the best part about warm weather is? The frocks!

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #5: Never walk away from a perfectly fitting dress. Never!

I spend the majority of the year in jeans. And jeans are great and all, but they're just jeans. Yeah, you can dress them up or dress them down, but nobody really cares. They're still jeans. Once the weather warms up and I can expand my footwear options though, it's all about being in a skirt! They're so light and flirty and flattering.

But when it comes to looking TOTALLY AWESOME, the only thing that's gonna cut it is a dress. As a friend once pointed out to me, the beauty of a dress is that it's so damn simple! You put it on, and then you look great. Easy as! The only trick to wearing a dress is that it's got to fit right. Otherwise you will not look TOTALLY AWESOME; you will look like you are wearing a burlap sack.

Now, I don't believe that anyone is the kind of person who can just randomly pick anything off the rack in their size and look great in it. That is some weird ass TV land fiction. We've all got different shapes and therefore different styles that do and don't work for us, this was style tip #2. And this leads me to believe that coming across a perfectly fitting dress is a rare find akin to coming across a unicorn on your stroll through the park. Therefore, when you come across this mystic creation, YOU MUST BUY IT NO MATTER WHAT! That is why god invented lay-bys.

Normally I'd feel sick at the thought of such a blatant endorsement of consumerism, but not in this case. The perfectly fitting dress is just too rare and wonderful a thing to let slip by. It is a thing from which there are no regrets. So ladies (of the southern hemisphere anyways), as the weather heats up keep your eyes peeled and maybe you will see that unicorn as you stroll through the park.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

For a long time I used shopping as a way to distract myself when I was feeling down. And because I felt down pretty much all the time, I shopped A LOT! I used to have to go through my wardrobe 3 or 4 times a year to clear out my old clothes and make way for my new ones. I spent money as if it didn't matter, oh but it did! And now I am paying for it, literally. And what do I have to show for all the money I've spent on clothes and shoes over the years? Not a helluva lot!

Eventually I had to face up to my credit debt problem and stop buying shit every time I was in a bad mood. I'd be lying if I said I've completely kicked the habit, but, I can definitely say that I've gotten a handle on it. I do still indulge in the occasional spot of retail therapy, but when I do, I have strict rules about what I can spend money on, and how much money I can spend. And now that I'm not dealing with buyer's remorse, a bit of retail therapy often does lift me up out of a funk.

Actually, as a free extra tip for all y'alls: getting dressed up is one of the best way to kick a funk to the curb. It's damn hard to feel down on life when you're dressed to the nines.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #4: Know when to spend and when to save

Unlike what popular culture would have us believe, being a 20-something doesn't mean having unfettered access to a steady cash flow. Most of us live on a budget. I live on a reallllly tight budget. But for many of us, myself included, fashion is important and looking good matters a lot! And it is possible to look great and not break the bank. They key is knowing what things to spend money on, and what to get as cheaply as possible.

Obviously, anything that can be got on sale is better than paying full price. But that's not what I'm talking about. Some things are worth paying money for, some things, not so much. If it's something that is a super-of-the-moment fad, it is probably not worth spending a lot of money on. Any piece of quality clothing that suits your body shape is worth spending a lot of money on.

As a general rule for myself, I don't spend a lot of money on my wardrobe staples. I like clothes that are fairly plain, because they are easy to mix and match. I like bright colours, but generally avoid patterns. So when I find something that is a flattering cut and cheap, I will buy it in a few different colours. When I was still living in Calgary, I was a regular at Old Navy for this very reason. Alas, we don't have Old Navy here in Melbourne, but we do have KMart. And KMart, I have discovered, has the solution to all life's problems. I recently bought 3 skirts, 2 shirts, and a new pair of tights from there for a whooping $79.

Some things that I think are worth spending money on?

1) A good hairdo!
I haven't made having awesome hair one of my style tips, but, in retrospect I should have. Don't just trust your hairdresser to know what they are doing. Shop around! You want to go to a hairdresser who reflects the style you are looking to achieve. You should be in awe of the hairstyles the people leaving your hairdresser have. Why? Because when you have a really great hairdo, you've already won the looking good battle. If you've got a crap hairdo, any attempt to look stylish is gonna fall on it's face.

2) Shoes!

I tend to do a lot of walking, so my shoes need to be made for walking, cuz that's just what they'll do! Don't let your shoes walk all over you! I am not a woman who can walk in heels, and yet, I am a woman with a secret chamber of fabulous shoes that I can (mostly) walk in. Comfortable and stylish shoes are no longer mutually exclusive things. The problem, of course, is that the stylish comfy shoes tend to be a bit on the extreme price side (like my under $500 boots). They are worth saving up for though, I PROMISE!

3) Good quality, flattering clothing.
It's cute, it's funky, it's well made, it looks great on you, and you're going to be one of only a handful of people to own it? Yeah, it's worth it. There is a store full of such goodies down the street from me. It's my save-up-and-treat-myself store.

So my little fashionistas, the next time you're out on a shopping binge, take a look at what you've got in your hand, how much you're being asked to shell out for it, and ask yourself "Is this really going to give me value for money?" No? Put it down and walk away. If you change your mind, you can always go back for it later.

Let's Play Dress-Up!

If there was a competition for the "World's Worst Packer", I would be a serious contender. I may have even won the crown in 2007 (I'll get to why in a minute). Some of you may be confused by this, since I will brag about my mad packing skillz at any possible opportunity. As I've said many times, Mary Poppins ain't got nothin' on me!

You see, what I am 'good' at is fitting an obscene amount of stuff into a suitcase and talking my way out of overage charges at airport check-ins. This is because I am not so good at making sensible decisions about what I will and won't need while I am away from home.

I have done a good deal of traveling over the years, but for some reason my packing abilities just became more and more chaotic with each passing trip. Actually, so did everything about my travel arrangements. After awhile I pretty much stopped planning and started just showing up and hoping for the best. (I really wouldn't recommend this approach to travel.)

Arguably the height of my insanely irrational travel packing/planning was my 2007 trip to Peru. I was spending a week in Lima to present a paper at a conference, and then was spending a week in Cuzco as a care-free tourist. It was winter in Peru, and like many North Americans, the idea that winter in the southern hemisphere could be cold seemed completely ridiculous to me. Also, having never been to an academic conference before, I had no idea what was appropriate to wear.

Faced with the task of packing for this trip, I was completely perplexed and overwhelmed. The solution? Two massive suitcases stuffed to the brim! Since I had no idea what I would need, I decided to just pack a little bit of everything. Except warm clothes. I had 2 cocktail dresses and about 5 pairs of shoes that I couldn't actually even walk in, not that they actually went with the dresses anyways! And when I tried to assemble something professional looking for the conference, I realized that I did not actually have any pieces that fit together in that way.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #3: Know Thy Wardrobe!

A year later, having carted half of Canada down to Melbourne with me (except for my warm clothes) I came across such a sensible tip in InStyle magazine that I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. This article was a guide of what to pack for a holiday, and took you through having a couple key pieces and some basics that work with a lot of different things so you can easily mix and match and create heaps of unique outfits from a small number of items. ... DUH!!!

My style tip to you is this: Think about the different pieces you have in your wardrobe and figure out which ones go together. Experiment with this! Sometimes all it takes is an extra layer to completely transform an outfit. Being aware of what you already have and the different way you can combine things makes shopping for new pieces a much more focused task (which I'll be discussing further in the next style tips installment).

Also, think about the accessories you have (shoes, jewellery, hand bags...) and what they go with. Back in the days when I had money to spend frivolously, I often came home with a gorgeous new pair of shoes that I didn't actually have anything to wear with. This is not practical! You know what happens to those shoes? They gather dust (metaphorically anyways, I'm anal about my shoe care) and then I eventually give them away to whoever'll take them off my hands.

So go forth, search out your wardrobe, and start playing dress-up! You never know what amazing combinations you could discover. You might even discover that that thing you just had to have but then never wore has some life to it yet!

Lost In Translation

Have you ever walked past a store display and seen the most amazing outfit that was just so beautiful and looked so good that you just had to rush in and put it on, because it will make you look like a Hollywood starlet? And then you find it in something that resembles your size and contort yourself into it, all the while thinking how life changing this outfit will be? And then you look in the mirror and are faced with the cold hard reality that you look like a circus freak?

M'hmm. We've all been there. You need...

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #2: Dress for your body type!

My hope is that you are reading this going, "Come on Joni, couldn't you think of something original? We ALL know this!" But, if wishes were horses I'd still be competing in gymkhanas. Even though this message has been jammed down our collective throats for so many years now, I think it's a message that bears repeating. Because, if you're anything like me, then even though you know full well that 3/4 length pants make you look like a hobbit, every summer you still buy a pair.

We all come in different shapes and sizes, which means that what a size 12 dress looks like on one person won't necessarily be what it looks like on another person. It is also why we get that circus freak phenomenon I referred to earlier. Different styles suit different shapes, regardless if you're a size 2 or 22. I get the circus freak phenomenon when I forget that I have hip and try on something designed to make curveless women look like they have curves.

There are endless style guides that will explain how to figure out what your body shape is and how best to dress for it, so I am not going to attempt to educate you What Not To Wear style. You're a big girl, you can figure it out. All I'm saying is, FIGURE IT OUT! Then make yourself your own style guide with all the helpful tips you've found so that you never look like a circus freak again!

Have you mastered that now? Good. Time for Phase Two!

Our shape and size changes over time. We lose weight, we gain weight, we start going to the gym and build up muscles we didn't have before, maybe we gain hips or boobs or ass that were previously missing. However we change, the point is that our shape and size will change. So once we figure out how to dress for our body type, we have to keep an eye on ourselves to make sure our body type is still that which we have learned to dress for.

Now, if there's one thing I can't stand it's when people are insecure about their bodies. Everybody has flaws, and if everybody would just stop obsessively pretending like it's possible not to have flaws, we'd all be better off for it. In the meantime, I'll be at the pool, traumatising the mothers of small children while I walk around the change room in my underwear (true story).

People, women especially, often make some pretty horrible fashion faux pas in an attempt to hide their fat. They may have a lot of fat, or they may need a mental health check and several gallons of ice cream. What they have in common is that they are wearing the wrong size!!!

Now, I must admit, I am currently guilty of this. I have been steadily losing weight for awhile and am now in a position where most of my clothes are too big for me. I recently bought 2 pairs of jeans, and one of them is the right size, the other is a size too big. But, since I am both poor and have every intention of losing more weight, I'm hardly in a position to go out and buy a new wardrobe. So yes, I know I am being hypocritical, but I also know what I'm talking about when I say:

Wearing the wrong size clothes makes you look fat!

For some people, the idea of wearing a size (or 2 or whatever) above what they normally wear is just too much to bear. So, they keep on squeezing into something that just don't fit. Lady, EVERYONE CAN TELL! It's so stupid, because if you just buy something in the proper size, even if you have put on weight, you'll look good and people will be way less likely to notice. If you want examples of this, check out People of Walmart.

For others, the offence is wearing baggy clothes to try and hide the rolls. Congratulations! You now look twice as fat as you actually are! A few years ago I had bought a pair of jeans while on vacation in NYC. I was in a hurry, so I didn't fuss too much with the size. The jeans were always a bit big on me, but my weight was going up and down at the time, so it was nice to have some more roomy jeans on hand. Well! It got to the point where I could step in and out of them without undoing them, and when I pulled on the thigh, let's just say that there was enough material for a lot more thigh. They were so big on me that it wasn't even like they sat loosely on me. They didn't sit ON me at all! I was shocked to realize just how awful I looked in them, and promptly threw them out.

So please, for the love of Gaga, wear the right size. And if you are going through shape/size transitions, of course it would be ridiculous to buy a whole new wardrobe before you reach your goal. But please, a) get rid of the worst offenders (I think a 1 size +/- buffer is fair game); b) when you do go out to buy new clothes, try on a few different sizes to make sure you've got the one that fits you best; and c) these days, jeans are stretchy, so, if they're a bit tight, that's probably the right size.

Thus concludes #2 of Joni's Top Ten Style Tips. Happy Styling Everyone!

You've Got Personality ... So Show It!

Women's engagement with the fashion and beauty industries is one of the many things that divides feminists. In the last year of my undergrad, my academic rival presented a paper at the end of the semester arguing that it is hypocritical of feminists to wear make-up. She stared at me from the front of the class and demanded answers to how I could possibly call myself a feminist with all that gunk on my face. I smiled and chuckled to myself. I don't remember how, or even if, I responded to her attack, but I do know that throughout the semester my outspokenness about my own brand of feminism had unnerved her enough to feel the need to challenge me and my views through her work. That's a victory in and of itself.

Like it or not, we are judged by our appearance. The debates rage on about if this is right or wrong, if and to what degree it is oppressive and/or damaging to women, and whatever else the various factions take issue with. Personally, I don't care if it's right or wrong or whatever else. It is a fact of life and I would rather work with it than struggle against it, largely because to struggle against it would mean to stop judging people by their appearances, and quite frankly I think that's a stupid thing to do.

Why? Because people send cues about who they are and what they are like through their appearance. Of course these cues are never 100% accurate, and individual people will interpret these cues differently. The point is, we all develop the ability to read cues about different people based on our own experiences and these cues can give us important information, like if a stranger is trustworthy. Or, possibly on a more practical day-to-day level, if someone is likely to have similar values to ourselves.

Joni's Top Ten Style Tips #1: Show off your personality!

Given that when you step out your front door people are going to be judging you on how you look, I reckon it's pretty damn important to think about what judgements we want people to be making about us. For instance, if it would really bother you to have people think that you're a lazy slob... clean yourself up and put on some clean clothes before you leave the house! Personally, I cannot stand to be seen as a corporate drone. Actually, I cannot stand to be seen as a cookie cutter version of anything, which is why my own sense of style (amongst other things) is probably best described as consistently inconsistent.

The key to this tip, really, is to know yourself. Once you have a handle on what makes you a shiny unique snowflake, you can start thinking about how best to reflect that in your sense of style.

I know that when it comes to continuums, if for some reason I can't sit smack dab in the middle, I will sit on both ends of the extremes. The best example of this is my gender identity. As my mother will attest, I have always loved frilly girly pink clothes with matching accessories (I still do), and I would punch you in the guts if you called me cute (I promise your guts are safe if you call me cute now). In simplest (reductionist) terms, I have a feminine exterior and a masculine interior. I do not sit in the middle of the gender continuum (androgyny), but straddle both ends simultaneously. What I like best about this aspect of myself is that it means I constantly get to challenge people's assumptions. There is nothing more fun than dressing ultra-femme and showing off my intellectual muscle (or physical muscle, I do still like punching).

Returning to the debates over feminism and fashion for just a moment, I actually think that fashion is an area where men often lose out, though, thankfully, this is starting to change. The sheer options available for women to choose from really do make it quite easy for us to express whatever side of ourselves we want to express. It's only quite recently that men's fashion has started to allow for them to let their personalities shine through. So boys and girls of the world, LET IT SHINE!

In closing, who would I say has mastered this style tip best? Lady Gaga, without a doubt!

When it comes to showing off your personality to the world, Gaga's got it covered! She is my personal fashion icon, and I think there's a lot to be said for how she's taken the world by storm. But possibly that is a blog for another day.

Well my little budding fashionista monsters, that concludes the first of my style tips for you. My aim is that each of my 10 tips will build on the previous one. I hope you have found this useful, and, until next time...

Is there anything more awesome than boobs AND sparklers? I doubt it!

Wardrobe FAIL!

Having a sense of style may be in breach of the Lesbian Code of Conduct, but ladies, some rules need to be smashed to itty bitty teeny tiny bits!! Also, ladies of Melbourne, while I must admit I do think you look hot, butch chic is not the only look there is. Just sayin'.

I have it on good authority that I have a pretty good sense of style. Aside from the "oohs" and "ahhs" I get from my colleagues, I get compliments from strangers on a pretty regular basis, and, my all time favourite, when I was doing that summer intensive in San Francisco one of the women came up to me and said, "Just so you know, what we talk about behind your back is great you dress." TRUE STORY! It's great to have the reassurance because the thing with fashion is, you take risks and sometimes they pay off, and sometimes they fail in oh so very epic ways.

Also, it's nice to hear that people think I put together a pretty good outfit considering that the majority of the time I do conform to the Lesbian Code of Conduct and just wear jeans, runners, and a plain (though colourful) shirt, have kinda greasy hair, and am not wearing any make-up. What can I say? I'm a woman who loves extremes.

Lately I've been thinking about my sense of style and what guides me in my wardrobe choices. And, inspired by my brother's epic music blogging, though down scaling it to a manageable project because I'm not insane, I have decided to share with you, dear readers, my Top Ten Style Tips! Over the coming weeks I will write a blog post about each of my Top Ten Style Tips, and then maybe you too can have people say lovely things about you behind your back on your next trip to San Francisco, or wherever. So that is COMING SOON!

It maybe would have started today, except, today I decided to get all dolled up only to have a wardrobe malfunction that required emergency measures to be taken!

Now, I love wearing skirts. Love love love skirts! But, I think the stats are something like 70% of the time I wear a skirt I end up with it hiked up around my ass as I'm walking down the street. In fact, I have a rule now that if I am going to wear a skirt, I must wear nice underwear because probably I'm going to be showing them off to everyone with eyes (sneak peak: there'll be more on that in my Top Ten Style Tips!) This happens to me enough that I have stopped being particularly embarrassed about it.

Last year I made an especially good show of myself. It was spring and I was enjoying the warming weather. I was wearing one of my favourite skirts, that has a particularly appealing movement to it. From my experience as an undergrad I had learned that when wearing a skirt and carrying a heavy bag, care needs to be taken so that the skirt does not ride up. All day I had taken care to avoid this. But the day was over, I was on my way home, feeling great about life, and feeling confident that I looked great. I had my big 'ol headphones on and was lost in my own little world. I got off the tram and started on my kilometer trek home, stopping at the milk bar for some soy milk on my way. I had a spring in my step and was tossing my long, golden mane of hair in the wind. Some guy across the street was yelling at me, but whatevs, I had my music on and I didn't care what he had to say. It wasn't until I was about to turn into my driveway when I felt the breeze on my bum that I realized what the guy across the street had been yelling at me: "Oi, love, pull yer skirt down!" Whether it had rode up when I got off the tram or when I stopped at the milk bar, I'll never know.

Today I decided I was going to break out a skirt and show some skin, though hopefully not my entire backside. After much deliberation I decided to go with my grey dress and blue-green jumper with these gorgeous grey art deco tights I had not yet worn. I accessorized with my latest awesome hat - a 1930's inspired Beret the same colour as my jumper, a long string of faux pearls, and my "OMG they're reduced by how much?" John Fluvogs. I looked decidedly awesome. The only trouble was, the art deco tights seemed to be some sort of low rise tights that were barely staying up.

Despite the tingling of my wardrobe malfunction spidy senses, I decided that my outfit was too amazing to change and I that I would just make due with the droopy tights. Well, that would have been all fine and dandy if they had actually been drooping instead of rolling down my legs! By the time I crossed the street to the bus stop I knew I was in trouble. But, not wanting to miss my bus, I soldiered on.

I was taking my computer in to get repaired, so I took the bus to Sydney Rd and then walked a couple of blocks down to the repair place. Only, by this time my tights were rolling dangerously low and I was worried they'd soon be around my knees. So I clutched my sides and practically ran into the Barkly Square toilets where I was able to take off the offending tights. Fortunately, I was able to pick something up cheap at KMart to get me through the rest of the day. My outfit is decidedly less awesome without the art deco tights, but, all in all it's still pretty good. Now, if only I could start listening to these warning bells when they go off!