Before I moved to Melbourne I really wasn't a fan of swimming because it involved the use of public pools - you know, where the public go. And the public is fucking gross! I should know; I'm a member! But, about a year ago some of my office mates and I decided that since we'd put on the cake weight together, we could take it off together. Swimming, we decided, would be the way to do this. Thus began our weekly (occassionally bi-weekly) trips to the city baths.
I was weary of this swimming business at first. All those wet toilet seats and hair covered floors of my youth were cackling their germy laugh in my head: "Step into the change room Joni, let us stick to your skin!" But I decided to give it a go before dismissing it as just too nasty to deal with. Besides, I'd already been to the Harold Holt pool and that hadn't been horribly gross.
My first visit to the city baths was a pleasant surprise; the change room practically sparkled with cleanliness. The day shift cleaner, I must say, is a saint! I could kiss her she keeps things so clean! I have been going back to the city baths regularly ever since, and have long gotten over my disgust at pool change rooms (even when they don't sparkle with cleanliness).
Hmph. You wouldn't think this germ business would be such a big deal for someone who once willingly drank directly from the Nile...
For the past, oh, month I've had just about every cold that's gone around. And as you can imagine, this has left me a tad phlegmy (see? Public = gross). And yes, when I swim sometimes I contribute a trail of snot to the water. But today I was put in a phlegm confronting situation!
As I was stretching after finishing my 50 laps, I noticed that someone had hacked up a rather hearty amount of phlegm onto the side of the pool. My initial reaction was to be incredibly grossed out, but a little voice inside of me said: "Hang on there Ms. Omigod That's So Gross! Would you rather they have hacked that up and spat it into the water in which you are swimming? And for that matter, what, exactly, do you think YOU would have done in that situation?" Admittedly, if I'd hacked up that much phlegm there's no way I would be putting it back in my body, and I would have been really cranky if I'd swam into that mess.
So yes, public pools are kinda disgusting places, but hey, where better for all our germs to mingle? *cough* *cough* *public transit* *cough* *cough* At least the pool is full of germ killing chemicals.
Having just made my peace with the phlegm, I made my way into the spa, where I was in for another special public pool treat! Ooooh the spa! Never a dull moment to be had! No matter how hard you try...
Today's special spa treat was a man. A man who would have been completely inconspicuous if it wasn't for that cheeky smile. I got in and hoped for the best. After a couple of minutes he stood up, only to reveal that his board shorts were hanging dangerously low. I averted my eyes. He turned around. Not only were the shorts half way down his ass, but, there was a giant rip in the back so his entire right butt cheek was on display. This is when I started to pray: "dear god I really do not want to see this man's testicles."
I reminded myself that this is a public pool and he is just as much a member of the public as I am, and got back to ignoring him. But the entire time I'm in the spa he seemed to be trying to catch my eye, and then when he thought he'd got it, he'd stand up and get out of the spa for a minute, then come back in. This was additionally annoying because he was sitting on the best jet and I really wasn't interested in finding out how he'd react if I grabbed it on one of his short ventures out.
I don't know what it is about the spa that inspires weird behaviour in people. From flashing too much of your junk, to pashing your bf/gf, to blatently wearing your underwear... People are just strange!
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